Let's play the bad therapist game! $5 SBD to the funniest, silliest or most outlandish advice!
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It's almost Friday, friends!
Relax and get your silly on with the Bad Therapist Game!
Because of upvotes the comments may move around, so if the person in the comments above you had their question answered and there is no question for you there, move to the next closest. Think of both your reply and your question before you post, that way you can write them one after another and keep this baby rolling :)
And one reply and question per person please!
Most clever wannabe therapist gets $5.
Have fun!
This is running until Sunday night :)
I need to castrate my rats, how can I go about it on a budget?
Have you ever seen the guy making balloon animals twist the balloon just a little too much and it pops?
Castrating rats is inhumane. So better leave them as they are and save all your budget. A small portion of it needs to be spend on a treat for me for this money saving advice you just received.
I'll start out.
Help! My cat watches too much TV!
There is a deeper unmet need being addressed by your cat, You see... It is YOU watching your cat watching too much TV that your inner self is trying to say. The cat is merely an instrument of the subliminal crying out "Why is my cat able to watch more TV than I? Why can she sit there all day in sublime tranquility in utter defiance of being surrounded by a world that castigates creativity and rewards greed?" Yes...you see it now. Your cat is engaging in domestic abuse, showing you how unworthy you are by mocking your hard work and insulting your sense of worth. You need to find a spiritual bond with the cat to transcend this conflict...it will elucidate and empower you... Bring the cat with you next Tuesday and we will begin the process of detoxifying this abusive relationship. I will be needing to bring an animal specialist into the session but do not worry as his cost is far less than my own. I also have book at the reception desk that covers these sorts of things you may purchase it at a discounted rate since you obviously need it.
Oh my God, you're killing me! I seriously have to keep doing away the tears just to write this! Lmao!
Put her out on the streets - she needs to learn that bad behaviour needs to be punished. Otherwise, she'll never learn. Don't let her back in, for a whole month. That'll show her. :P
Bad Kitty!
Hahaha! :)
Make her watch The Real Housewives of "Anything." Cured within 10 minutes.
That'll cure anyone of anything!
Force it to watch the eclipse.
Well... she will still be seeing "stars"... permanently!
A homeless man walked up to me and asked "Do you have a spare cigarette you can give me?", I replied "No, I intend to smoke them all". He was visibly upset. Have I erred?
I think you did the kindest thing you could have done under the circumstances.
I mean it is easy to think how to be far crueller.
whipping and flaying is probably far kinder in the end.
Then he could be drawn and quartered for the six o'clock show.
I have a date today and I need to tell him that I have been incarcerated for a double murder, so I can't meet with him anymore.
You are a beautiful modern woman with needs. If he is a real man he will understand and respect that you are being unfairly punished by the patriarchy for what seems to be a minor transgression. Remember, if he can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. If his mother raised him right he'll wait 25-life for you, and pay for all your Ramen noodles and magazine subscriptions.
I suffer from crippling depression. I've heard alcohol is a popular way of coping but I'm not sure what dose to take.
lol, just keep experimenting
I just realised that this wasn't just a random joke but was your question: LOL
I too once drank a certain cantidad, between zero and infinity.
But you should have posted it at the top in a fresh box, because no one had answered you here, except me, and I wasn't even conscious of doing it
Yes, a real man waits a lifetime ;)
Just think, she'll be able to show you profound, real world skills such as how to make a shank out of jolly ranchers, and how to time your bathroom needs so as to poo in stealth in the wee hours of the 'morn when noones there. Learn how to bribe a guard the right way using feminine wiles, and the best orifices to hide your secrets...
a lifer is a plethora of useful information...
that sounds like the voice of experience.
And yet you managed to keep your complexion!
LOL!
I love coming here if only for your avatar my love, and then there's so much more when I arrive
lols and all
Awe, you're too sweet ;)
Hahahaha! Brilliant stuff.
Ask the warden to put a hit on him. This is common practice in prison.
Oh, is it?? Good to know for my future lives. ;)
oh not life? then?
in the singular I mean, it's not going to be useful in this life?
You sound very sure of yourself
lol
Absolutely!! I have been here before and I am going to come back again. :) I am sure of that.
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Hhahaha!! Good point. I might already be locked up. I wasn't clear about that. Love the innovative take on it. Woozah.
Tell him your boyfriend and his mistress just died and you have to go to their funeral
Nice one!! :)
This post has received a 0.26 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.
So I was at the bar last night and in walks this goat and midget...I was like DAMN!!! How should I go about asking for their numbers the next time they come up in "da club"?
Headbutt the midget and quickly point to the goat. Then inflate your latex goat and put those nice panties on it and ask for their autographs.
However, How can I get the bartender to throw them both out after I secure their numbers WITHOUT ordering a drink?
Can I drink a coffee in a beer mug?
oh dear god no, what the hell is wrong with you man!? The mere notion of that makes me question your sanity. I'd recommend a 7 day in hospital psychological evaluation...
If you must, I do recommend coating the mug in tinfoil first.
No!
Only beer in coffee mugs if it has coffee aromatics ....and only then.
Are you insane?! Beer mugs had beer in them... only tea can be put after that... even bear can't be put after that in them again!!
I'm not good at this
I'm stuck in a psychiatric ward and I have a meeting with the pope in 30 minutes! What should I do?
Cover yourself up with tanning oil, and go naked to meet the Pope. It is time to show him what a real woman looks like. :P
Dear Steemit,
I have a dog walking appointment today. I've walked this dog before but I can't remember it's name. Without coming off as an amoral dog hating misogynist to the owner and the dog, how do I find out this dogs name?
P.S I really don't want to hurt the dog's feelings.
Simple enough, ask the dog! If he/she replies anything just copy that tone and repeat. Dog will always respond to that name!
What if you go to a dog walking appointment and the owner hands you over a leash tied to a tiger instead?