Really need to get something off my chest
Agent Jay here. I'm gonna need to come clean with something here.
During this 2-week break, I've been feeling quite depressed. Classes are gonna start for me again soon, so I'm gonna feel severely under pressure as the weeks go by.
Ever since 2016, I've been streaming for 4 years hoping I could make a career out of it, even without the need of Twitch. The first time I tried it actually was back in 2015 when I couldn't figure out how OBS worked at all. Back then, I had little patience to sit down for a 30 or so minute tutorial that didn't get to the point. My only way of learning was through trial and error, and boy was it frustrating to find out the stream worked poorly several times. All I had back then to stream was an integrated (low-powered) laptop with the built-in webcam and microphone, and all I could stream was Spyro the Dragon on the PS1 emulator. 2 months later, I received $1 million from a lawsuit filed by my mother against a landlord that owned a Victorian row house that I grew up in during my childhood because of my exposure to lead paint on the walls of said house, which caused some impairment in my mentally. I had to be charged $400,000 of that money for the medical invoices, and I split half of the remaining money with my mom to help her afford a new home. And what do ya know...I started spending that money on a stream setup and the resources to work on and present my stream character, Hip-Hop Phantom. I've been doing this in different websites until they've come and gone. Every time, I had to start over and meet new people. I never actually considered Twitch because I wanted the stream to be all-purpose (drawing, DJ-ing, sports, etc.), but I found myself gaming most of the time. As for the money, I found myself spending more of it than I needed to, not to mention my family always asking me for some frequently. Also, my generosity was getting the best of me when I helped others on the Internet who were honestly on peril; one person was gonna be kicked out of her house if she couldn't pay rent. The one time I did try Twitch, I didn't feel like I fit in, but I was desperate to start a career there for the relevance. I didn't think I would have any chance versus the vastly popular streamers there. Now, I find myself in the world of cryptocurrency with the same struggle from previous times while trying to figure out how to invest and accumulate this way.
Since I had the money, I've felt more miserable than when I was broke. I'm surprised I still have any of it left, but soon I'm gonna be back to square one. I'm currently a college student and unemployed without a way to easily get the job I want, especially during these times. I'm still trying to make a career out of streaming as this is all I got for now. I want to get my own place, but I don't if this is gonna get me anywhere. Guess I'll have to find out my fate tomorrow.
P.S.: I'm not looking for any sympathy points or whatever. I just wish I had more people understand what I'm doing and why.