How could I have such an experience

The night was so dark but the lights were so bright they were so close that I couldn't see his face, but he scented familiar, just then he put on his gloves but for a split second, I recognized his hands,still peaceful I was tempted to feel at home, as usual beside him I was laying bare, cold and breezy I shivered and ankles, besides Cold the air was dry too, quite to our regular experience so they I laid in beyond the lights like a surgeon Preparing for surgery somebody help my strength Proved futile but then he whispered in his most sexy voice,"it's just two of us here" I could see the blades come down to my heart but I couldn't say a word nor move a damn for I had found peace in his words it cut deep.
On his table I was well feed so the liquid like substance from my tummy rolled into my groin and down my chest too and soaked my bed,he cut rid upon and it was meant to be, he put a gloved hand to pull out his,i could hear him crying this didn't please him either but still it is necessary for it didn't protect your heart earnestly, in a snap the restraint were no more and and I could feel my skin, the windows were open so the dew was chilly, my fan to spinning, I can see why so cold, my veins sprag like a loose spring and I could found myself sitting, the mixture on my face was salty waters from the streams of my eyes and the fountains from my skin, still shivering and missing his warmth, questions flood my mind, how did I sleep,when did I sleep? What was I doing? How could I have such an experience? There the answers laid,right beside me, guilt grips my heart even more and I'm scared of picking my phone up, I've messed up again and even my soul blames me in my sleep, I'm scared that he just might want his heart away, like he did in my dream my fingers quake at the thought of even scary for it just might hurt him more now I don't just hear but I see the pain in his eyes, the hurt without my knowledge move slowly towards my phone Lo and behold.