I don't know if I landed on something generally insightful; but, it struck me in the brain pretty hard.

Shaming and compassion can, and often do happen in the same moment.

Compassion is something that's given. Shame is something felt by the recipient.

When I asked my most recent ex if she was okay because I thought she was drinking too much, that was entirely compassionate. I didn't insult her. I never even pointed out demonstrable issues that her drinking might have already created in her life. I just wanted her to be as happy as she could be, and she decided that I was shaming her.

In reverse, when I was drinking myself to death, my loved ones told me that they thought that I was being unhealthy, and I felt shamed in response. They were right.

It's not lost on me that some people shame others out of malic -- I've seen Game of Thrones. Still, we have to understand that's there a massive spectrum between needless shaming and shame that's taken in response to caring people.