Dear Doulas... Women Are Not Objects, So Stop Fighting Over Them Like They Are

knownassam (55)in #community • 7 years ago

I'm in a multitude of Facebook groups... Like 600 or so Facebook groups. These Facebook groups vary from blacksmithing to minimalist living to birth. Being a Doula, naturally I would be in a few Doula based Facebook groups as well.

Like anyone else alive, I have complaints. Many are small and unworthy of expressing in words.

One I will share with you however is the competition aspect of the Doula Business.
More specifically, the idea that other Doulas are competition...

What Is A Doula?

A doula (/ˈduːlə/), also known as a birth companion or post-birth supporter, is a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth, as well as her spouse and family, by providing physical assistance and emotional support.

In a nutshell, we are there for you and your birth partner through the smiles and the tears. We don't judge you, we help educate and ultimately we support whatever decision you and your partner decide to make. We cannot advocate on your behalf, but we can advocate by being present and reminding you about the decision you made prior to the birth. If you change your mind, we help educate you on what may happen next, and support your choice.

Women to us, are incredible beings - a whole individual bringing life to another individual. Your experience matters to us, because mothers matter too. This isn't our birth, it's yours. Therefore we want to do our best to support you in the way you need.

That Sounds Incredible, So What's The Catch?

Simple. Doulas are humans. Doulas come with their own personalities, culture, religion, beliefs, flaws and biases. We are unique, we are one of a kind.
While indeed Doulas strive to be completely loving, accepting and supporting individuals - constantly recognizing and challenging our biases so we can better serve the women in our community, we're still human.

With all those factors wrapped up in our being, sometimes we serve one woman better over another.
What if the woman we're serving is making choices in regards to their baby that we simply cannot support, like genital cutting for example?
What if the woman we're serving does not like your religious views or lack thereof and would prefer someone in the same belief system?
What if the woman we're serving simply doesn't click with us on a personality level?

There are many many factors that we as humans are wrapped up in which would render us unable to provide a service that is best to the needs of a family.

Current Views On The Body

Women are not objects.
I will repeat this again; WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS

It is bad enough that the medical complex looks at our bodies as parts and pieces that simply work together as a machine rather than a whole being thrown from the balance of homoeostasis. Then to throw disaster into the mix - that mindset has leached it's way into women and their births.

A woman MUST have her baby in the hospital because there WILL be something that goes wrong and thus a doctor will the the shining knight in armour ready to swoop in and save the day. A woman MUSTget an epidural because she will be in copious amounts of pain and cannot possibly handle it on her own. Methods such as episiotomy MUST be used because clearly her birth canal cannot sustain the stretch of the baby's head moving down the canal, therefore this WILL help.

In case of an emergency (granted - there ARE genuine emergencies) such as mom is taking too long which is cutting into the doctor's supper time, the woman WILL be cut open and told it was a failure to progress...
Currently a birthing woman's body in the medical complex is seen as a machine that must be maintained and controlled for their own good.

The Dollar Agenda

In this fashion, many physicians disconnect themselves from the women they're supposed to serve. Instead they draw women to the hospital as financial incentive - a pay cheque while consecutively puffing out their chest in ego. Indeed, while their surgical skills are crucial in a true emergency, many tend to lack the idea that pregnant women are individual sentient beings. They will force you to conform to their care regardless of who you are and what you want for your birth. It’s all about the ego and the money.

This is then what I imagine when I see in these Facebook groups - women who claim the purpose of serving women but will step over other Doulas to get to the client. A dog eat dog world if you must. They want to be the PERFECT Doula - the only Doula for their area who can serve absolutely every and any woman. While this is the IDEAL to be the best doula one can be - these Doulas are so worried about competition with other Doulas taking their business that they fail to put the woman first.
Their main concern is a pay cheque, and their pride.

Is That Really True?

"That's an outrageous statement. I do care about women, and I care equally about my business!!"

Do you?

Would you be comfortable enough to tell a potential client to interview another Doula or two after you've had your initial meeting before the contract is signed to make sure that they truly want you as a Doula?

If you have a bias towards one of her choices that you KNOW will affect the impact of your support towards a woman in such a negative manner that you simply could not serve her, would you refer her to another Doula that you KNOW could be the Doula that woman desires?

If you've had an interview and you KNOW you won't get a long with this woman as your personalities will clash making it difficult to be fully present and non-judgemental towards her as an individual, would you refer her to someone whom you KNOW would be a better fit?

Let's face it. We strive to be a loving chameleon when it comes to women, their births and their choices. We are more than just someone who shows up, sees how their doing then leaves till next time. These women resonate with us - it goes deeper than just a professional resource books and hip squeezes relationship. We will develop a close relationship with this woman, sometimes even a friendship. We've been honoured with the request on behalf of this woman and often times her partner to be present and supportive at one of the most vulnerable and intimate stages in her life.
Sometimes, as hard as it is to admit,
we are simply not the right woman for the job needed and that's not a bad thing to admit.

Let's Put An End To The Dog Eat Dog Mentality

It is important that we do not turn the Doula business into what everything else is already - a circus where we step over one another to get to the front. If you are truly good at your job... If you are truly there for women like you so deep down feel you are, there should be no threat from other Doulas stepping on your turf. Women will come to you because you have a reputation of being good at what you do, and they will seek that loving support from you.

Let's not throw each other under the bus for a buck like so many other birth professions have done. We must be there for each other as professionals to rely on just in case as we are women in the community. In the end, it's only going to hurt the women we put our souls into serving.