Truth Comes From Actions, Not Words
Over 93% of any given communication is non-verbal. This means that in the remaining 7%, one is limited to express themselves as best as they can. The tragedy of the situation is that most of communication happens with us not even realizing what we are communicating.
For hundreds of thousands of years human beings roamed this planet without using any form of complex language. This meant that even the slightest form of muscle movement was key in communicating specific concepts.
Verbal language has evolved rather recently. Primarily, it was used in commerce. As it got complex, it evolved into an elaborate ritual that had to do more with deception rather than objective functionality. Since survival is key, communication offers an extra layer of security for the individual.
This shouldn't come as a surprise since most of nature operates on deception. From the elaborate colors of a peacock's tale to the devious tactics of an army general. The elegant make-up of our date to the advertising board trying to sell us the next meme. We deceive each other constantly and most of time we fail to realize it. Truth becomes a valuable commodity in a society that is thrives on deception.
Personally, I almost never just listen to what someone else is trying to say. I rather pay attention to their extremities, breathing rate, eye contact and specifically they way they choose to incorporate movement with verbal expression. A big handicap to this process is one's involuntary communication movements. Pay enough attention and soon enough the clues will start unraveling themselves before you.
It is hard at the beginning to just see passed someone's words. Part of the reason is because emotions are involved in almost every human encounter. Our brain is programmed to act in a specific way when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Paying attention to actions rather than words takes practice and dedication. A few actions can reveal real intent almost instantaneously if one is vigilant enough.
I am not going to outline how the body revels certain behaviors since this is more like an art rather than science. You will find at the beginning that you are often wrong so keep an open mind. What almost anyone can do instead, is to notice how someone's words rhyme with their actions.
If for example you see someone promising the world and their actions do not reflect, then you can decipher their intentions pretty easily. if you are doubtful about someone in your life, watch how their actions reflect on you. Usually people will act in specific ways to show their true intentions. A partner might say "I love you" everyday but their actions might not reflect such feelings. This would be a clear indicator that the verbal communication acts more like a habit rather than an objective expression of appreciation.
Online you can see how one engages with their environment. If they manage to be friends with everyone using the same generic rhetoric language, then you can easily assume that how you are going to be treated much the same. Humans are versatile beings and their relationships involves both negative and positive aspects. If for some reason you see that someone is trying to keep a positive note all the time, they are most likely not totally honest with you.
At the end of the day truth is nothing but an emergent property of our environment. Due to the abundance of information and clash of interests it becomes harder and harder to unravel. If one trains their mental filter to do so then they can surely maintain an edge in their daily encounters.
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Upvoted and resteemed. Great article as usual @kyriacos
Thank you man
I generally give people the benefit of doubt, ie I start of believing what they say. If needed, I prepare myself for the fact the person was not honest and will not deliver on their promises. Especially in business, I try to dig into the topic at hand, by asking further questions, mostly somewhat critical questions. The way someone approaches these, answers them tells me more if I can believe the person or not. (combination with content, the way it is spoken, the length or shortness of the breaks between words, sentences, question and answer and so on). When not knowing the person, it becomes harder to take their physical expressions as an indication for truth or not, hence I take these as the least important in my analyses of the persons honesty.
Pretty solid advice right there. Thank you for sharing!
“I never listen to what a person says. I look at what a person does because what they do tells me who they really are.”
exactly
Pretty good.
The 55-38-7 numbers are not for all communication and are actually based on feelings and attitudes of like/dislike only. They are often misused to convey the importance of understanding non-verbals. Which for some of the reasons you covered, is quite important.
They do not cover written communication at all but if one is very good with syntax, it can be used party like reading non-verbals. It is easier when the person or usual writing styles are known, this is why watching their writing habits online over time can give valuable feedback.
I would use these numbers in class to encourage students to stress less over grammar and start getting interested in the full range of communication. I'd also use it as a way to demonstrate manipulation through quoting studies and statistics. It is a versatile rule.
I was half way through writing a related article when I saw this down the feed. I will post it tonight if it gets finished.
Excellent points. I am looking forward seeing your insights in detail
Well said. Honesty is the best policy :)
It is even if sometimes it's dividends are delayed
Yep..thats true
Woooow I love this so much! You can definitely see someones intentions by their actions. Words say a lot but they don't mean a thing- It may be what you want to believe when you say stuff but the actions show you really care. Thanks for this article
Thank you for stopping by. Glad you liked it. Indeed, words can deceive quite easily.
A well-written article, I enjoyed every sentence. It deserves to be published in magazines, it would inspire loads of people. Good job!
wow. thank you for your kind words!
Great post, @kyriacos. The older I get, the more I watch and try evaluate what people do instead of what they say. This took me MUCH longer than it should've to figure out but my life has gotten better since I have. The technique of mirroring shows how much impact actions have on human communication.
Indeed, and although is hard to master at first, once you get comfortable with this type of "personal handling", life becomes much simpler (and clearer).
This is exactly the type of thought and contemplation that I love to write about as well :) Thank you for being inspired to share !
My pleasure. Glad you enjoyed it!
I tend to operate on a schrodinger's method whereby I believe what things are being told at me, but at the same time aware of the other possibilities, as time goes on + evidence/behaviours unravel, i get to know deeper, i can logically start figuring out the truths
don't you find yourself getting lost along the way?
All the time, i have to check-recheckrecheck etc ... BPD?