You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
RE: Listening: The Foundation of All Good Communication
Thanks for such a meaningful message. My partner and I have a lot of problems communicating, and its tearing us apart, she says I dont have anything to say, but shes usually talking over me and not listening to what I have to say. its very disheartning and causes a lot of strife in our relationship. I just reposted this, so hopefully she will read it ;-)
@armageddonparty, please feel free to add more detail if you would like more insightful advice, but just based on what you wrote, I hope you figure out how to open up a dialogue about this with your partner. In general, I think our best option to influence any type of change in a current relationship is to model the behavior we are hoping for. In your case, where listening is the issue, as is so common, it means you have to listen. The quandary is that when a partner fails to listen in the ways we want them to, it is hard to demonstrate good listening while telling them to be a better listener. So the reality of it looks more like you doing a lot of listening, and when it seems like you might be able to get the message across, saying something like, "I am hoping we can talk about something that is really bothering me." A caring partner will respond to that appropriately, but at the same time, we all get defensive, so as the person modeling good listening you have to be prepared for anything. If your partner is open to hearing what you have to say, then try stating something like, "I really want to share things with you as you have asked me to, but when I do it seems like you really don't want to listen to me." Try to be specific. As long as you make listening the priority, you can have more control over the conversation why insisting on talking about the problem, but switching back to being the listener when your partner takes back the floor. It can be tedious, but it works. At least to find out if your partner is willing to try to work with you. As I said, feel free to give me more detail if you like this advice and would like more.