LOVE THY NEIGHBOR - Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest - Round 29

Every neighborhood in the world should be grateful for the existence of "thou shalt not kill" commandment in the Bible. Living in such oppressive heat, even the slightest provocation could trigger my mind to think about sharpening the kitchen knife for a bloodbath carnival. Yet, humans will be humans.

TYPES OF CONSIDERATE NEIGHBORS

1. COFFEE LICENSE

Coffee license (lesen kopi) is a Malaysian slang term to mock someone’s poor driving skill as their license was most probably obtained via illegal means such as bribing the government officials with more than just a cup of coffee. I guess I’m sort of lucky in life to have very considerate neighbors. It took one family ELEVEN YEARS to finally figure out the utility wonders of reverse parking. So much so that one will doubt the validity of their drivers’ license. No amount of angry stares, cursing or deliberate indifference could convinced them that the size of their beloved MPVs were really not that small or that invincible as they occupied one road lane when in stationary positions. Money can sometimes delude a person into thinking that communal road belonged to their great grand ancestors.

2. THE OVER ENTHUSIASTIC GARDENER

Then, there was the issue of the bamboo plant. For some unexplained reason, it was so strategically located that whenever the wind blew, most people in the neighborhood received free bamboo leaves except for the owner. No one would really mind collecting those leaves if they were fiat bills. Perhaps we should thank God for bestowing biodegradable material to turn into gardening compost. It’s good news for people too busy to tidy up their front yard regularly since their place will turn into a haunted house within just a couple days of neglect. It would have been a lovely arrangement if imposing a fee on visitors keen on visiting haunted houses is an option since everyday is Halloween.

3. THE WARMTH EXTENDER

Malaysians are well known for our warm hospitability. Another family of considerate neighbor installed air-conditioning system that not only catered to their comfort but simultaneously blew hot air into my living room too. My neighbor obviously forgot that I don’t live in the Artic. To maximize on their generosity, probably I should seriously consider converting my living room into a new sauna room. After all, we’ve often been taught in life to turn adversity into advantage.

4. THE DOMESTIC HELPER TURNED HORROR

Malaysia just like in the States was built on the strength of immigrant diversity. Hence, there were many domestic helpers from neighboring countries. In the past, it was not unusual to hear tales of abused domestic helper. However, in recent years, there were numerous horror stories of domestic helper striking back. This is the problem when people got too much exposure to Star Wars movies. Kidding! For example, the latest waves of immigrants extorted drunk professionals in bars while some working in the childcare industry abused young children in their care. In no time, we might be able to turn these horror tales into “Revenge of the domestic helper” movie or better still “World War 3” movie.

Thank you very much for reading!

Cheers,
@wittywheat

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I'd like to nominate @rentmoney, @majes.tytyty and @kevinwong to participate in Comedy Open Mic contest round 29.

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