Tooth Pain :: Comedy Open Mic Round 14

My week started off with me, strange right?

More specifically, a wisdom tooth. I was in more pain than Prince Philip holding in a wee at the wedding as a CIA agent married into the family.

I couldn't even close my gnashers for the pain, I was walking around with my mouth wide open, looking like I'd survived a prefrontal lobotomy.

Please don't search for lobotomy gifs..
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So, I did what any normal westerner does and got myself a fuck ton of over the counter opiates, various other painkillers and local anesthetics.

And took them all at once. It barely fixed the pain but it did send my tongue to sleep, it now hung from my already gawking mouth.

I was doing a great job with this whole "looking sane" thing.
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The remedies barely worked, I had no other choice but to visit the "emergency dentist".

And let me tell you this, I'm glad these "emergency dentists" didn't end up as emergency doctors because quite frankly, they take the whole "Sunday is god's day of rest" thing all too seriously. So seriously in fact, that they managed to extend it to friday and saturday as well.
^{Emergency dentist my nutsack.}

Come monday, I trek to the dentist. For three days, I'd not eaten a meal that I didn't first throw in the blender..

The "dentist" looked about with her little mirror on a stick, occasionally throwing in an "ahh yes" or an "mhmm" in a bid to convince me she didn't get her degree from Udemy.com

She eventually made the professional diagnosis that there was nothing she could do, she then proceeded to blow air on my tooth.

After she'd blown a sufficient volume of air, she wrote me a prescription.
Penisillin.
PENISILLIN.
What the dandy fuck ever happened to Penicillin?
The wretch must've had other things on her mind..
Maybe she's done that for all her patients?
Maybe she's never had a patent before?
I wonder if they all had to go through the same embarrassment I did at the pharmacy, where all the staff knew this kid with his tongue hanging out had been prescribed antibacterial man sausage for tooth pain.

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This is my entry to #comedyopenmic round 14, I nominate @dantheman (lol) and @bryanps5230

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