Women, the eternal I-hate-my-body fuss! We are fat, we want to get thin. We are thin, we want to get all curvy. We're tall, we wish we were shorter so that men don't feel intimidated. We're short and strive to balance on high heels, as if those fake extra 5 inches will miraculously upgrade you from a foot stool to a bar stool. I tell you what... stool!

You're trying hard to accept your body and your looks; you read all those learn-to-love-yourself articles on the internet and embrace-your-inner-beauty stuff (you know the ones that try to tell you that "what if you look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, you are still pretty in your own unique way" which I accept). And once you have reconciled with your stretch marks, your plump belly and those humble breasts of yours that try hard to make up a whole fist (and only on the days when your whole body is swollen by pre-menstrual hormones), you find the strength to look at yourself in the mirror and admit that "Hey, you don't look like Gollum today. In fact you are kind of cute. "

So, you dress up, make up and go out to meet him.

BUT

here comes a BUTT

That proud tooshie popping out of another woman's body. Rounder, firmer, better-shaped than yours. You spot it, swallow your pride and let those tears fall down and drench your soul, while you're still trying to look cool on the outside; only you won't!

'Cause HE NOTICED and YOU SAW THAT! 

And you know it was an instinctive accident and you know that you're gonna be the one going back home with him and not that privileged by nature, nice-assed lady. But you still hate him and wanna see him drown in his own drool (the one you could see dripping off his mouth moments earlier). 

BUT

here comes another BUTT

You actually don't hate him! You hate her! For having all those things you didn't inherit from your mother's genes. Actually, all you ever got was a pair of her ripped jeans, which unfortunately don't fit you, because even your mother had a better figure than you!

BUT 

now comes the real BUTT

It's not even her you hate. It's your insecurities and all those cheating scenarios that instantaneously run in the background of your brain and make you identify everything with a vagina and breasts as a menace. Had you the power to do it, you'd force all other women wander around in burkas. 

BUT 

all this doesn't have to be a pain in your BUTT

As long as you understand that it's totally normal for a man's eye to "catch" other women's body parts (come on, you can't put his testosterone to sleep) and as long as it all happens on "behind the window mode" (they can look, but they can't touch), I guess it is considered healthy.

And don't tell me you don't appreciate seeing a nice woman's ass from time to time...

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And since you're here, here is a bonus poem:

Other Women's Asses

In this world of vanity where gold is what flashes

A girl's evil enemy is Other Women's Asses

You find yourself a man, for you his heart bashes

But you're always competing against Other Women's Asses

You try hard to burn that booty fat to ashes

So he won't be looking at Other Women's Asses

Your anti-cellulite cream may give you some rashes

'Cause beauty comes at a cost to beat Other Women's Asses

You work out at a gym or even take poledancing classes

But he will keep staring at Other Women's Asses

Hey girls, let's just face it, what if your cheek blushes

You sometimes like too watching Other Women's Asses

This was kind of edgy, not the "ordinary" fiction @ruth-girl stuff you're used to. But yesterday, Lord Byron (AKA @onceuponatime) gave me an idea in a comment in one of @trumpman's posts and I thought to myself, what the heck, go on and write about it...

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Ladies out there, if you have the decency to take care of yourself, both your physical and psychological well-being. If you learn your flaws and accept them once you cannot change them. If you discover your virtues and allow others become inspired by them. If you just learn yourself a little better and build some self-confidence, you'll see that the image of another woman's ass is just an image of an ass. Whether it be on the street, in the coffee house or on youporn, little difference does it make if in the end of the day that ass image is deleted from his RAM because yours is the one he'll be holding to fall asleep... 

Thank you for p-ass-ing by!

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*All images and original story by @ruth-girl - Steemit, 2018

PS: This is an entry to the 23rd round of the Comedy Open Mic Contest. I'd like to invite @mariossap and @molypap to take part in it.

For more information on the contest, please click here.

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Until my next post,
Steem on and keep smiling, people!