Rawdawg School For Teaching Your Wife A Lesson

in comedyopenmic •  last month

image
Every so often we have to teach that bitch we call a wife a lesson or two. . 🤷‍♂️😂

The woman we refer to as our wife sometimes over steps her bounds and IME it is usually do to a mouth that just doesn’t stop. . . You feel like punching her square in her face or giving her a karate kid style sweep the leg, however you know this is not something in the playbook for it will only get you in trouble. . . So you have to devise some more sinister ways to discipline her ass. . .

Lucky for me, I have a pretty cool partner, however every so often I feel like using these tactics.

So, next time she won’t shut her trap about shit that happened 3 years ago or won’t let up about you spending too much time out with your boys or even if she is just being her usual bitchy self. . . Use some of these tactics on her. . .
image
#1 Flour Sugar ( Only works if she drinks coffee)
This is an easy one . . Simply replace the sugar jar with flour. . When that bitch wakes up half asleep with crust in her eyes she won’t know the difference. When you hear her scream and spit that shit out you will know it’s mission accomplished.
image
#2 Prune Juice Smoothie
I like this one because it’s so sneaky. . Pretend like you are being the nice hubby that you are and offer to make smoothies. Just remember to load that fucker up with prune juice. Do it at night so she wakes up the next day shitting her pants or better yet her bad attitude lands her on the toilet in the middle of the night. Bonus points if you mix in a body cleanser. ( Can be found at GNC) 👹
image
#3 Stinky Car
Very easy! Take a dump in a zip-lock bag, punch a few holes in it, and leave it under the passenger seat. Works best in the summer under hot temperatures. Imagine her face when she takes a smell of that. 😀👍
image
#4 Cat Food Mixed Nuts
I crack up at this one. . You ever notice how dry cat food looks an awful like crunchy nuts. .Well, go out and buy a bag of nuts and also a bag of cat food. Replace the bag of nuts with the cat food and voila!!!
Tell her how good these new nuts are and leave the bag on the kitchen counter. . . Then wait. . . The magic will happen shortly. . . 😂
image
#5 Prank Call
I’m a big fan of crank calls and the Jerky Boys so this one I have used more than a few times. . It’s real fun but you have to try your best not to laugh! Call your wife’s place of employment every hour on the hour and disguise your voice. Ask to speak with her and let your humorous imagination run wild. . I’m sure you don’t need any help here. 😀😀😀

** Disclaimer**: Rawdawg is not responsible if that bitch can’t take a good joke!

Enjoy!! 😀😀😀

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

I thought that smoothie would have a splash of gizz in it :D

·

That would certainly be a nice addition! Good thinking! 😂

·

Thankgiving Thursday it is. Here is your free 100% upvote from @betgames. Thank you for delegating SP to us.

You're the devil @rawdawg! Notes taken. 😉

Posted using Partiko Android

You had me at diarrhea.

uppity bitches, man

·

Bitches gonna bitch. 😀

I can only wonder what the repercussion will be. Then again, it won't matter if she gets diarrhea

·

Fear not the repercussions. 😜

Your Early morning shit is the best for the car trick.

Hi rawdawg,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.

Judges:

If you have any questions or quieries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Support COM Banner

Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

oh man.... stinky car is too good. i just want to start doing that to random cars that leave there door open!!

·

That would be classic!