The Poolside Is Not A Rewarding Place (Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest Round #19)

Link to the announcement

Steemit is a very confusing place. It can be very difficult to wrap your mind around. Like, for example, everybody is talking about some pool somewhere and how that pool is being "abused". How can you abuse a pool? Is that pool like a swimming pool? When you abuse it do you like pee in it - or something much worse?

Anyway, there is this one guy @berniesanders who seems angry all the time because a lot rubber ducks get raped at the pool. He says there his guy called @haejin who is a terrible rapist who needs to be stopped. (I don't know how you can rape anybody or anything over the Internet let alone use a pool but what do I know.) @berniesanders thinks rapists can be stopped by hoisting enough flags. Yeah right. If @berniesanders is right then there should be a lot fewer rapes on the fourth of July than on any other day. Somehow I doubt that.

Have you heard of @haejin before? Somebody told me he's a ninja from New York. He is very very fast, which is why @berniesanders has to sleep one eye open by the poolside. He can't let his guard down at all, which makes him continually sleep-deprived which must be what makes him so grumpy. I've been told @haejin is so fast that it takes him so little time to do what he does that it makes spending a New York minute seem like watching paint dry. Maybe that's why @haejin is so difficult to catch. He always slips away to relax on a ranch owned by another Steemian whose name or even parts of which I can't remember at all.

What about these "witnesses"? Are they Jehova's Witnesses? Some years ago, I had a neighbour who was a Jehova's Witness. He was really nice guy. He told me that Jehova's Witnesses don't celebrate Christmas. Ok. But why does @berniesanders speak as if these "witnesses" on Steemit had Christmas every day and got too many presents? That does not compute like a whole lot of other things on Steemit. And what are these "nodes" that these "witnesses" "run". @berniesanders is always going on about how some of these witnesses are getting too much money for doing basically little to nothing. Yeah, maybe these "nodes" should give some of those witnesses a run for their money instead!

But I really don't want anyone to get hurt. The word node sounds quite ominous. It's like a cell in a terrorist network or something. I don't like that at all. Maybe we should call the FBI and get them to shut down all the nodes! I'm sure that would make Steemit a much better place for everyone!

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I nominate @yaanivapeji and @cryptoandcoffee to participate in #comedyopenmic.