Curse My Luck: Comedyopenmic 33 first entry

I hate traveling, I really do. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of seeing new places, experiencing a new culture in terms of food, pussy people, and lifestyle but I really really hate the actual trips. Its not even about how long the trips are, whether short or long trip, I detest them all.

My travails with travel starts the day before the journey is scheduled to be; ever since I can remember, I've battled with anxiety issues. I'd spend virtually the whole day playing out the trip. I spend the night extremely worried about things I can't change; the state of the road, my fellow travelers and of course working how drunk the driver is going to be. The night before the trip are the worst, sleep becomes as elusive as a girlfriend is to @holybranches, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get any. I spend the night tossing and turning, the thoughts become as loud as ever andp even when I do manage to get some sleep, its always short lived.

The day of the trip is upon me and in this moment, I'm a total nervous wreck. I'd normally be awake three hours before the trip, after a getting a cumulative of 20 minutes of sleep the previous night. I’d spend at least one hour trying to prepare the perfect playlist; it has to be a perfect blend of high, mid and low tempo. Throw in some trap music but not too much of it, get the right balance of artists within the particular genre as well. I mean, it’ll be an absolute disaster if there’s way too much migos and not enough savage, then find the right balance between coldplay and John Bellion without forgetting to include local artists and my regular songs. Will I need porn? I know I can’t stream on the go because there’s barely any reception along the hgihway, I guess I should download a few clips or maybe I just beat my meat to the beat of drops of shit and just get my mind of it now. Yeah, I’ll do that. It always seems like the right way to go, what about my stuff? Remember last time out, I ended up forgetting my condoms and toothbrush at home. God I hate it when that happens, I always say this time will be different, I’ll be thorough, sometime after taking a shit, jerking off and my morning bath, I’d be ready to go to the bus park. I do a mental check of all my things and so far so good, I think I’m good to go.

Its barely 6am and I’m already at the bus park, shit! I forgot to charge my phone after jerking off. Now I’m left with this measly 81% battery for the long arduous trip, I think I’ll just charge my phone for about 30 minutes before the trip. I rummage through my bag for about five minutes and still can’t find my phone charger, now I’m having a mini panick attack. Don’t tell me I…Oh, I gasp for air as I feel it, its right there, I pull out the phone charger as it dawns on me that there’s something off, then it hits me like an epiphany, I remember unplugging my laptop and packing it but I didn’t unplug the charger. Curse bloody luck. The journey starts and I’m already sad. I’m haunted by the fact that I didn’t pack my charger. Lord knows what else I could have left behind.

Now I'm sat in this cramped up space and there's a pastor shouting at the top of his lungs about some Jesus shtick. He's asking us to get forgiveness from God in case we die, fucking asshole be putting the bad idea in my head. I'm fidgety too, this fat dude beside me keeps leaning on me, I'd like to say something but he looks like a teddy bear. I'll let him sleep a bit, when we hit a bad patch of road I'll shrug my shoulder in sync with the road and give him the worst headache ever. My ass hurts already. God I hate journeys.
I nominate @dj123 and @trumpman to make entries for this round, if possible, help me pick my charger as well. I’m a nervous wreck