UNINTENDED COMEDY OF FAMILY DRAMA (comedy open mic week 16 2nd entry)

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Hello do you mind if I tell you that having younger brothers is like carrying an extra ass on your ass? Meanwhile having younger sisters is like putting a recorder in your private life? I mean like private private matters, like the day you lose your virginity? well I could tell you this but you're absolutely shifting on your seat and wondering "oh Shit does my younger sister knew when I lost it"? of course she does, you underaged Shit! and she's waiting for the day you would deny her any request, then your dad will be waiting with a belt in his hands.

Pardon me, in Africa fathers beat children till they confess to crimes they didn't even commit, and when you go to the police to charge your father, they'd look for a rope, tie you up and triple the beating your father gave you, howling "die you marrrfaka" you can imagine it's very difficult growing up in Africa,

My brother use to be an arse, but he's greatest food bender I know, you know avatar bends fire, water and air, but my brother bends food, im six year older than he use to be, and when we both were served plates of food each he could tell which food is plentier, no matter how hard my mother tried to make it equal, it was like he had a counting machine buried in him from the womb, which I was denied, blame my mother.
In our family blackmail was a weapon, we all knew we had each other secret and we used it to extort each other. I use to ask my mum "why did you give me a cunt for a brother"? and she would always say ask your father y'all took his chromosomes, I only gave him an egg

She was always annoyingly sarcastic, it was only Isabella the girl that would've been my girl friend didn't know her sarcastic rate was 250%. The first day I took Sandra home, she was like what a nice girl you are, do you always go out naked? I had prayed earlier she wouldn't embarrass me, but she had started already. Isabella didn't know if she was being sweet or derogatory, but I gently took her and said honey let's go and buy ice-cream

She wailed from the bathroom, who gave her the right to be called honey? my dear you're honey when I decide you will be called honey, for now you're dessert I was so pissed and my brother was giggling within him, after Isabella left I never heard from her again I've been single ever since, my mother had a spear in her mouth and everything I brought a girl home, she would hurl the spear at them, and they'd never return.

My father was the underlying saviour he would say woman leave the children alone, you're too old to be involving in their love life and she would yell shut up granny

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I CARRIED YOU FOR 9 MONTHS YOU PIECE OF SHIT

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Mothers have a way of making you do what they want, they would go emotional like i gave you life, you were tiny and worthless, you drank my breast, come back here, I washed your poop for 5 frigging years at that moment it's like you're still tied to their umbilical cord drinking blood and using their oxygen. If you dared to say mother leave me alone she would scream he wants to beat me up, go on beat your mother
Unless you're a vagabond, she's got your hands tied hahahaha

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I nominate @degreatmyke and @ayobami99 to take part in this challenge

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Image pixabay