Comedy Open Mic round 13 entry; Watching the Matrix on Acid.

Have I ever told you about the time I got so stoned I got the bright idea to trip balls on acid while making the dangerous attempt at watching the Matrix? No, of course not!? Up until about a month ago or so you didn't have a fucking clue who the Hell I was till I showed up here on this stupid Steemit site! HA HA Yeah... The newest CIA controlled social network full of the same old assholes as before... rolls eyes

Yes I'm a realist. Seriously, these days you are either a realist, or retarded. Plastic, or PLATINUM!!! Adversity is like a flame, it melts the weak but tempers the strong. That's the viking warrior spirit in me. My ancestral DNA comes from a time when the boats were made of wood and the men were made of steel.

This week's comedy rant brought to you by, ME! Hippie With A Gun. No I am not a fucking Narcissist. HA HA

But seriously, about that time I got so fucked up I decided to watch the Matrix on acid. It was about 7 years ago now. I was still living in Florida before I moved to Portland. One of my dipshit friends I had at the time and I went half way on a whole sheet of high powered blotter acid. We had just got the shit from the little gun grabbing snowflakes at New College there in Sarasota. It's the new art school they built on the water there by the airport next to Ringling Museum. Funny how these fuckers are good at making drugs but they hate guns. rolls eyes

I cut off a piece of my sheet that I was estimating to be around 5 hits. Because this shit is so diluted these days you have to eat around 5 hits in order to have a really good trip. It isn't like the shit they had in the 60s. Now they say you shouldn't trip alone. You should always trip with a friend or have someone there to guide you. Now I know why! HA HA Because when you trip alone you come up with all kinds of sick ideas like watching the Matrix. HA HA So like Macaulay Culkin I'm home alone. Being blotter it takes about an hour to sometimes an hour and a half to kick in. After about 45 minutes or so I started going through my movies. I figured, what would be the baddest ass movie to watch on acid? I was wanting this to be an awesome trip. There it was, the Matrix starring me right back in the face. And I grinned like the Joker. HA HA

I popped the movie in and began watching. When the screen started distorting, I knew the drugs were kicking in. It was like Morpheus was in the room talking to me. His lips were moving but all I heard was, "Theo, take the blue pill, and you stay a whiny little bitch forever. You take the red pill, you put on all rainbow shit and surf through the cosmos on a neurothread for all eternity." I didn't care, I was just thinking, "CANDY!" So I took the blue pill and the red pill. Now all I see is green... ACCK!!

The acid started peaking at that time in the movie when Keanu Reeves was unzapping from the Matrix. You know, he was in that pod and all those tentacle looking things started detaching off of him? Well I shit you not, one of those tentacles flies out of the TV and almost hits my ass sitting on the couch there. I'm like, WHOOOOA! HOLY SHIT, FUCK THIS!!! The TV is like 8 feet away from me. I about flew two feet off the couch in the air freaking out. I'm all like shaking and shit trying to grab for the remote to shut the TV off. I didn't know where it got knocked to and this fucking ugly tentacle shit is coming out of the fucking screen at me. I was so fucked up I couldn't stand up so I just crawled my way over to the TV and shut it off. I remember thinking, Whew that was a close one.

I stayed there on the floor by the TV freaked out for the next 4 hours. HA HA I was panting so hard. I had to keep reminding myself that I was tripping and that really didn't just happen. After coming to I remember getting up and looking at a piece of art I had hung up on my wall. It was a poster size of one of those black and white Magic Eye 3d images seen below. Yeah I like cool shit like this.

Google Image

The picture was like a metalic paint rippling on the paper there. The black and white stuff smeared as I brushed my hand across the picture. It was like I was painting the walls with my hand. The black and white stuff stuck to my finger like taffy as I pulled my hand back from the picture. WOW COOL I thought. It started dripping out of the picture onto the wall like it was melting. So much for trying to see the 3d part of the picture anyways LOL.

That's all I really remember about this trip. As a result now I have compiled a list of movies I have yet to watch now with a head full of acid. Here they are: Inception, Shutter Island, Cube II Hypercube, The Never Ending Story, Faces of Death, ALL of John Water's films, The Wolf of Wall Street, And Batman Begins because of the visuals. But for now, I can cross the Matrix off my list LOL.

THE END

Hope you got a good laugh at my story. HA HA

DISCLAIMER:

As much as I condone the use of watching trippy movies on psychedelic drugs... and I do! I don't condone, sex on acid. Because this kind of shit happens to you...

You end up wearing all rainbow shit and one day it leads to getting your picture taken with Jesus. Seriously! There is a rainbow glitch in my DNA somewhere as a result. A neurothread somewhere in my brain is still going off having an orgasm. HA HA

So don't join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects.

I nominate @pangoli for the contest.

Stay Un-Tune-Ed

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