Comedy Open Mic: Round 28 | Las Vegas

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I'm not an outgoing person. my idea of being a socialite is when the light from the computer screen hits me when I am on Steemit. But the wife and I love going to Las Vegas. City of sin. Playground of the poor, middle class and rich alike.

I gamble little because I always lose. I can't help it, I have no finesse or patience. Take BlackJack for example, I keep saying "Hit me, Hit me" until I bust. Every damn time. Man, It's hard to play BlackJack when your masochistic.
And the slot machines, I'm hooked on the lights, sounds and animations. Again I always lose. quarter after quarter I pull the handle and get nothing. Finally, FINALLY a random chance. I stopped in front of a slot machine and then suddenly the dang thing goes wild, Lights, bell, whistles the whole hoopla. And the coins poured out like a Niagara Falls! - but the lady playing the machines was fuming at me.

There's always the people who lose all their money and go around asking for quarters. But most people are onto their game so these beggars come up with stories. You know like "A thief stole my wallet or my mother needs money for an operation." No creativity in these bums. This one time an attractive woman tried to cozy while I waited for a concert to begin. She tried to play on my male ego. She says " Hey there, can I ask you a question, are you in the band? cause you look like it."

I told her no but she could still buy me a drink while I ignore her. Who knows, maybe she was telling the truth, after all I used to be in a cover band and we weren't half bad. I mean we could cover anything, well except out bar tab.

Yeah, Las Vegas sure has some exciting things to do. You can shoot massive guns, drive top of the line cars and sky dive in the desert. But I got to be careful what I do, my health ain't so good and besides they made cuts to my health insurance policy, the only coverage I get now is by six feet of dirt.

I wanted my final night in Vegas to be great. A booze filled party. That's hard to pull off on a tight budget. So I skimp on dinner. I went to the cheapest restaurant I could find, not even the cooks wanted to eat there, but I did anyway and ended up spending my last night in Vegas in the bathroom-couldn't get off the toilet.

But who want to hear about that, huh? that's disgusting. So while I sat there I came up with a better story. If someone asks, I'll say "The details are hazy you know on account of all the drinking but I recall I ate dinner in an exclusive out-of-the -way bistro. After that" I pause for dramatic effect. "It was craps all night long. I tell you I couldn't stop. Even pulled off a Royal Flush before calling it a night.

SO I guess This is where I'm supposed to nominate two other for this huh? ok here goes how about @brightstar and @darkjade. How I followed the rules all right. I'm new to this after all. Next time I will write more I promise. Let me know if I screwed up will ya? thanks

Thanks to all the judges and everyone else who takes the metaphoric stage.

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I love you, human. I will be human one day, too.

A royal flush still a royal flush and you never know, if you keep at it you might be on a roll.

hahaha fantastic freewrite :-) Vegas is a crazy place with much stories, good and bad ones.... had been 5 times there (althoug we have from germany a very long flight) it was every time worth it.

So thank you for providing me with this funny "memorial" to it :-)

What did you think the character of your story paid in the cheapest restaurant ?

We have been in one. 10 Bucks for a Beer / Steak with Potatoes and beens, and a soup as starter. Very crazy cheap in my eyes :-)

I'v been to some really cheap eats in Vegas. their not all that bad, some of them are actually good. I think our most expansive meal came to over $125.00 for four of us.

Thats now bad :-) On our bachlor party evening we had been in the eifel tower. Steak and then Jägermeister... dont ask how much :D it was very expensive. but also gooooood! And great view on the belagio.

The view from the eifel tower is amazing, better then the stratosphere in my opinion. .... I think I need to start planning a return trip to Vegas soon :-)

Haha nice! You have ever been in the stratosphere hotel ? I think personaly its to far away for a hotel... we had been always americas best value.. a cheap hole :D , but in the middle of the strip. So perfect for us! ... near to MGM and pool parties and excalibur good poker... oh damn im missing vegas hard.

Unfortunately many friends had "gone" in the last years.... so its ... difficult to go there with a good group.

We have been to the strat a few times. It's a good cheep stay but for our money we prefer the El cortez down town or Monty Carlo on the strip. Never have stayed anywhere other then a hotel casino. It's hard for us to get back there too, lack of funds and a four year old :-)

Okay i understand!

Ryan ? We have now to stop this conversation :-) although i'm enjoying it very hard... but i will cry otherwise in the next couple of minutes. We had so good time there in vegas!! i need to get instant back. !! Wanderlust! Im missing it.

Perhaps we meet up at a blackjack or poker table someday, or at a cool pool party at Drai's ;-)

I laughed reading it. It's was funny with a couple of good punchlines. I was in vegas last summer for 5 days and man did we have fun. Literally a non stop party with drinks, gambling, women, clubs everything you could want in one small area. I'd hop on the plane in the morning if i got the chance.

It might have been slightly different to the time that you spent in there but i'm sure they were both brilliant. I won a small bit the first night so that pretty much covered the rest of my trip and made it even more enjoyable. Free trips always help.

Hi deadmoonwrites,

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Haha, I think I ate there too. I didn't play any games, but I was gambling alright.

I've eaten at some of the diviest dives and a few expensive restaurants. But the best eats is always the average buffets and off the main path small restaurants. I don't believe I have ever really won a good amount gambling but always had a good time.

Hahaha! Really clever! you certainly kept me entertained!

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it

You did a good job, some great puns, nice story and the lights of Vegas; I only see that on TV.
I'd like to visit the brothels there, I hear the Vegas hoes are top quality.

You're asking for the mum joke aren't you bel?

No need, I totally respect your mum's profession.

You should. She fixed your ugly ass face after all.

Being a plastic surgeon is tough work. Anyway, how's your mum doing at the brothel?

Depends where you go I guess :-)

MY wife have been to Vegas six times now, even got married there. and have had a good time on each trip. The story I wrote is a big exaggeration and not entirely true, more of being pieced together from stories here and there and a bit of the imagination.

I'm glad you enjoyed the read. Going back to Vegas sounds like a great idea, and yeah, if I had the money and time I would by typing this from the airport. :-)

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