Open Comedy Mic Round 9: Hold your tongue!

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago

"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt."

--Mark Twain

I have a knack for remembering that quote about 10 minutes after I should have. That whole look before you leap thing? Yeah, not working for me. Can't remember it to save my life. I had a joking conversation with someone about the Cleveland Indians being more racist than the Fighting Sioux up in North Dakota, only to get chewed out by someone completely unrelated to the conversation. You could be completely right, but when stupid people are involved? It all goes out the window.

I don't just use it to get myself in trouble, though. Some days, the most random stuff comes out of my mouth and you wonder where it came from. Here's an example. I used to work with this guy named Jake Dooley. Nice enough guy, we got along, anyways. I'm working and he comes in to start his shift. Without even thinking about it, I said, "when you have kids, you should name one of them Hughes Lewis Dooley."

He looks at me, wondering where the hell this came from.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because then you can call him Huey Louie Dooley!"

Rimshot.gif

Now, I don't know what's worse. The fact that I'm telling this awful joke, or the fact that this actually happened. 100% true story. Thank you for your time.

I guess I have to nominate some people, so, uh...I wanna see what @getslothyy and @thecastle have up their sleeves.

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He had no sense of humor. You've come to the right place.

Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it.

Actually, he did think it was pretty funny, if a little bit weird.

I can relate; There was this one time, I gestured towards this really hot girl dancing at a party and said in her ears "I want to put my penis into you" 😂

Ahh I got nothing, maybe I will think of something later :P

Think, boy! Think!

I have a son who likes to think of himself as the self-appointed king of random. I don't know how funny any of it is (I'm an old guy now so my funny bone probably needs a marrow transplant), but he keeps himself entertained.

Not sure why people looking lost and confused at him is entertaining, but hey, to each his own. I've always found it to be funnier when people are in on the joke rather than not. And if you have to explain why it's funny, well then you might as well give up and move on.

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