Comedy Open Mic Round 10 - First Entry - Introduction of me.

I would like to welcome you my inaugural post for Comedy Open Mic. Thank you for taking the time to read the read the post. I know we've only just started on our half hour journey but I'd like thank you nonetheless as this part is pretty boring.

To introduce myself my name is @bondy007... James@bondy007 for those who do not know me, this introduction should help you understand just how suave I am.

Ever since I was in high school the ladies loved me. When the weekend hit there was a river running from our house down the street. Luckily the neighborhood weirdo was always willing to assist me in hiding the evidence.

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He wasn't very good at it, but he worked at the local fish markets so he was about the only one who could approach the river safely.

It got to be a problem really, I mean I had pussy all sorts of nooks and crannies hiding from my parents. I just knew they'd spoil my fun if they found out.

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I remember this one time my friend got so drunk she hid in the couch for 3 days... Dw... She was satisfied.

My problem was, however, once word got around the other girls would got curious and this craze hit where they all just wanted my attention. It got pretty awkward at times, some willing to go to great lengths to catch a glimpse of me in compromising positions and situations. I remember once during training one girls jumped the fence while I was reveling myself and unfortunately got caught in the crossfire.

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I was super embarrassed to say the least. Had I known I would have turned down the pressure as a courtesy.

I can't say I got much better with age, in college I was always rearing to go and ready for action. Just having a bird touch me would turn me on, and if she got on top... well... We made those highschool rivers look like puddles.

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But I was never a slouch, I was always a gentleman. No matter if the date went horribly bad or incredibly well. I would always take the lady out for desert after dinner. Without fail. Also, I dressed well, and always wore some cologne. Now some people disagree with this philosophy but from what I've seen, girls just love dessert. I don't know why.

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I would like to return the nomination of @take5 who insisted I join. So you know who to blame for this. Also I'd like to nominate @traf to entry this contest.