Third World Chilling (Poem): Comedyopenmic 14 second entry

I'm third world chilling so don't you dare laugh, if you do I'll kick your nuts so hard you'll barf. I heard about your Subways and I think its really nice but have you heard of "keke"? Its got three tyres and flies. It looks like a cheap ass gas generator on wheels and sounds basically like two million Mexicans at a farting contest.

I'm third world chilling, laugh and I'll chop your nuts into pieces, then give it to hungry kids that might eat it. I heard about McDonald's and KFC but around here we have "mama put" that's way cheaper and tastes heavenly. Okay, the meals may come with a little bit extra; a few roaches, ants and rat shit looking like burnt rice.

I'm third world chilling, slap yourself if you've laughed, you're a shitty human being without no heart. I heard about your President, they say he's a racist little prick that grabs women by their pussy but have you heard about mine? He's a 75 year old man who barely speaks a word of English, he spends a lot of time doing health checks in your country. He makes embarrassing statements that's aired all over the world.

I'm third world chilling and you're such a twat, how can you laugh after reading all of that? I heard about your power, how it must feel to have constant electricity but you haven't lived until you use kerosene lantern in the dark to see. We do our outdoor camping indoors so who needs marshmallows when in your room there's so many mosquitoes to roast.

I'm third world chilling, you laughed, I can tell; keep on laughing you little shit, you're definitely going to hell. I heard about child services like what the fuck is that? Kids here get whooped blue and black and its called discipline, usually receiving the amount of beating to manually reset your brain to factory setting.

I'm third world chilling, don't be scared, come chill with me. Its not all bad, at least we have God in our society. There's a church or a mosque on virtually every street. We have pastors with private jets and imams getting their 70 virgins on earth, I'm pretty sure Jesus and Mohammed never intended this kind of rebirth.

I'm third world chilling, and you may now piss off, I need to enjoy this drink before the lights flicker off.

I nominate @improv and @mariannewest to participate