The Long Christmas: Comedyopenmic Christmas edition

Bad decisions, no one's above them, but lately I've been on a roll. I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something about bad decisions that appeal to me; maybe its the rush of blood to my head or maybe I'm just stupid but I swear I always end up in a dark place.

Here I am again, with nothing but my thoughts, shackles attached to my feet, a headache the size of a mountain and rats. Fucking rats, I hate them so much. A small ray of light shines straight at me from an opening in the door and it's immediately accompanied by a soft female voice, "it's still conscious..." The orifice closes and the light dissapears, its just me and my thoughts again, oh and these bloody rats. They're probably waiting for me to die, "I'd rather die than let these rats eat my dead body" I say to myself as I crack a smile that leads to uncontrollable coughing. Shit! My throat is dry and it feels like I haven't eaten for a week. Oh shit, how's my fantasy team doing? Is it the weekend yet? I hate being locked up but this scene, this place, it seems all too familiar, like a recurring bad dream. Well, I have to blame Santa for this one, he's totally ruined my Christmas. Now I'm going to be rat food.

It was 2 am on Christmas morning, I had spent the entire previous evening scouring through various porn websites, I've always been a fan of role playing scenes and well, Christmas is the season for love after all, so its only right I watch how some of my heroes share love. Click after click, I swipe through, scheming, no, actually searching for meat beatable material; I developed a curious health condition due to my overindulgence in porn watching, so I became a little bit of a critic. I took note of minute details that others would normally not notice; her moans, the angle of entry, editing during cut scenes, everything. I could spot them all so as you'd expect, it often took something special to get me interested and inadvertently hard. After two hours of rigorous searching, I stumbled into this porn website that doubles as a social platform. Users were encouraged to create aliases that they'd use to interact with other weirdos on the platform.

I never envisaged I'd meet someone in the platform, more so because I reckoned this is a place for people with a hard time meeting humans, while I was in that frame of thought, I received a private message from a user called " Santa's Angel" that read "so how long is it?". I was slightly startled I must say, my alias was " Rubber_dick_luffy"(in honour of the protagonist of a japanese anime called onepiece), unsurprisingly, Santa's Angel knew this character, there seems to be a correlation between anime followers and porn sites but that's a discussion for another day. After a minute or two, I gathered the courage to respond to the message. I replied "the Eiffel tower" to which she/he/it replied with the emoji of an 'umbrella with rain falling on it". "Are you a girl or a disgusting overweight guy on the other end?" I continued. "I'm a girl" so is the capital of France actually in your shorts? She continued,
Me: uhm "I'm wearing pants and this is kind of weird. Is this a hook up platform?"
Her: kinda, wanna hook up?
Me: I guess but I have to make sure..
Her: sure what? Don't be a pussy
Me: I know but its too easy
Her: you saying I'm cheap?
Me: uhmmmmm
Her: do you want to fuck today or what?
Me: wait. Today? Won't you find out if I'm clean?
Her: well are you?
Me: yes I am. What about you?
Her: what about me?
Me: are you a serial killer, overweight guy, my landlord's wife or one of my friends trying to prank me?

Her: your friends would go this far?
Me: none that I know off.
Her: your location says you're in Kaduna, thats why I hit you up.
Me: so I guess you're in Kaduna as well?
Her: For now. I'll be on the Eiffel tower tonight though. So what's it going to be?
Me: okay let's do it. do we exchange real names now?
Her: I'm Santa's Angel
Me: works for me.

I got to the meet up spot; we were suppose to meet there, talk a little bit then find some hotel room to complete the night. It was a bar not too far from where I stay, I found the place to be rather quiet and isolated, considering it was Christmas evening of course. There was a Santa shaped mannequin at the main entrance, inside had christmas lights blinking, one bar tender and jingle bellstune giving the ambient a very warm Christmassy feeling to it. I walked over to the bartender to enquire why it was so empty, "it's only 5pm, the party starts later" he said, "please where's your rest room" I enquired. I got into the rest room and stood over a urinal, focused on my fly and not letting junior get caught like last week, I heard the entrance door of the toilet creek open suspiciously slowly, a figure walked in and ran straight into one of the enclaved toilets. I got done with my business and suddenly the lights flickered off and almost immediately, I was groped from behind with a cloth to my face, that was the last thing I remembered.....To Be Continued.