Comedyopenmic Week5 Second Entry: Goat Orgies and My Fucking Problem

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pissed off right now and why shouldn't I be? I've battled with sexual frustration for most part of the last six months; frequent DIY hand jobs has turned me into a handy man(literally). I'm pissed off at all the women that refuse to have sex with me.
I try, I try a lot. Shooting shots randomly but it always amounts to nothing and I've done just about everything too, from stalking to sending dick pics, truth is there's simply no pleasing women. All the women on Facebook always seem to be "married" so suddenly feel too good for my penis while the fuckfaces on twitter think they're too cool. I even tried steemit but posting a photo of my penis might affect everyone's bandwidth so I decided to keep it in my pants.
In some other news, I've discovered I have an interest in yoga, though my friends think it's weird, I usually sit at the park and watch all those skinny women stretch, the mental images and actual photos secretly taken have been very handy(get it? Hand like with my hand? Get it? No seriously do you get it?).

Anyways @comedyooenmic thought it was a good idea to give insane people a platform to air their deranged views and opinions, luckily I'm here to bring some sanity with my carefully thought out rants with the #comedyopenmic tag. By the way is it a tag because I use"#" or because I say tag after the thing that comes after "#"? I'm trying to sound smart please let me be. I'm also going out on a whim to nominate this chronic womaniser I know @robin-mctities and @jerrybanfield because he's an investor in my Toilet project. Great guy. I hope he sees this.

Have a great day 😂