Explaining the Fucked up - COM#19 Entry 1

in #comedyopenmic2 years ago (edited)

Have you ever unconsciously made a joke that everyone around you found disgusting for even thinking it? You know, that joke that you said at the wrong place or wrong time or while two strangers were having sex? Just a joke that made people say "Dude, this is not the place for this" or "Dude, this is not the time for this" or "Who are you and how did you get into my house?". Or maybe you know people who do that, like that one person who says "Well, now we know what would get your mother to finally shut up" at the mother's funeral or they go with you to visit a friend who just attempted suicide and hold their wrist and say "We may not know the 13 reasons why, but we definitely know the one way how". Just people who are simply explained as "Fucked up", well that person is me.

Fucked up.jpg

I'm that fucked up dude who makes jokes of the saddest situations. People would see a child get hit by a bus and be horrified and by the time the child falls to the floor dead I'd be screaming "TOUCH DOWN". It's not something I'm proud of, but it's that mentality that got me where I am today for better or worse. It's that mentality that got me to write a tragic rap about kids dying in Syria for a rap competition by @v4vapid while writing a song about dicks for @carlgnash, so I'm not ashamed of it either.

In real life when talking seriously, people get a pass on saying things as it's just their opinions, but it's a different case for jokes. Jokes in general have a certain set of structure that lifts people up, like that one time I saw a crying girl and offered her a tissue only to have her look at me and say defensively, "I'm not crying" to which I replied "It's okay, just take it in case you run out of toilet paper". Us fucked up people follow that structure, simple as that, it's aimed at making light of a situation and meant to cheer people up. You see you could be just like me, well, except that my mother isn't a whore. Jokes are just meant to make yourself and others laugh but while there's a structure set clearly and unconsciously by us as humans, the situations are set by each person's experiences and fucked up people are like that because well, they had fucked up lives. I make posts about goats and meeting shemales mainly because sometimes I just feel like sharing my sexual encounters. But in all seriousness, our jokes are like that physics jokes you hear nerds make and laugh at. It's hard to see the humor if you're not familiar with the experience itself and as a result, nerds will also find it hard to laugh at your jokes. And it’s the same with us fucked up people, because in the end I can't make an original physics joke nor can I joke about life in Australia, mainly because people joke about what they know and have been through, it shapes them that way. I mean I'm writing a book currently and by the end I killed the hero, the bad guy, the girlfriend, the nanny, everyone in between and I'm looking for a way to make sure the readers of the book die as well.

Personally, growing up in Iraq I was surrounded by labor camps (That's Amazon warehouses for you westerners) and rapists (That's Bill Cosby for you) and while that is a shocking disturbing thing for those who on occasion may see a case of those things happen through their local news, it's a part of my daily life. An explosion or a bombing happening where you live is a headline in the news while for me it's more like "Oh yeah, it's Tuesday". And then I hide my nephews the day after because it's Wednesday and that means it's "kidnap a child and ask for a ransom day". Fucked up simply lead a different life filled with searching for an identity but instead of piercing every inch of skin on our body, we make jokes. Instead of shooting a school, we point out that the only A the shooter got in school was an AR-15. Yes, we wear a bomb costume to the airport but we never blow it up, I can't speak on behalf of all Arabs for that one.

If a female can identify as a male then I identify as fucked up, sure we're not going to have longer dicks as a bonus but neither is that female. All it does is give us a different unique perspective and helps us focus on the positive in bad situations. You could see a burnt victim of an explosion and think that's horrible but we look at it and think how time saving that could be next time we do BBQ. Being fucked up is our personality's dick, it is essential for our social and sex life, so you may want to refrain from criticizing our dicks. I know a German dude who didn't take kindly to that. We're familiar that some lines are not meant to be crossed, like the one in the Boston marathon but still we cross them anyway, not to offend people or hurt them although we love pretending that's why we do it as it's easier to explain than to say we just don't see that line in the first place. Think of us like Trump on twitter without the fortune or U.S presidency, just trolls with 17 followers despite having tweeted over 10,000 tweets. And it's not that we want to offend you, trust me, no comedian wakes up in the morning thinking "How can I offend people today?", we're just bad with our dicks and can't execute a reasonable pull out, which is why we never play Jenga, or have sex. We do, however, make great U.S presidents especially when invading other countries.

Now does that mean we should get a pass when making certain jokes? No, and let's be honest we get less and less space by the moment because as time goes by people are less and less tolerant of us. For every stand up special, there are hundreds of articles calling sexist, racist, and "this and that" phobic, but our comedy is like 50 shades of Grey, a guilty pleasure that we hope would get some people to ejaculate every now and then. So cum to the dark side and join us as we have no judgement for anyone's dark thoughts and it's not like nobody has those and we do acknowledge that it is in fact fucked up but we hope you're still able to see the funny in there.

Dark but I like it.jpg

Sure you may not wanna hang with us all the time, as some of us overplay it with the fucked up jokes like I do; some of us think it's funny to walk up to two people kissing and start filming them and then ask them to take their clothes off, again like I do; and some half break their spine sucking their own dicks, not sure I have an example for that one.


Oh hey @jerrybanfield, since you're here and you want to read fucked up stuff, here they are, you're also my first nomination. @idikuci being the second, I wanna see a sharp entry of yours.


I get it. It's like when you cook a girl bacon and eggs for breakfast, and all you want is a simple thank you.
Not, "Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house.
Some people really are fucked up.

Holy fuck, you are really fucked up. Why wouldn't you just start kissing the couple? Maybe just grind on them a bit while a friend videos.

You took more shots than an angry overpriviledged american white kid in high school.

Haha, one of the best comments I've seen in a while, made my day.

Haha. Thanx Jedi.

Nuff fuck's said here @amirtheawesome1 because like Holy FUCK sake.. I mean what the fuck else can I say here? I'm still traumatized by Jerry's image here.. hopefully I still can get some sleep tonight, without nightmares of naked Fucking JB :(

I haven't read this much truth since the Unibomber Manifesto.

I usually stray from one word comments... butt


This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.

Yo this was good. I like people like you, all my friends are like you.
Lmao, good shit.

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