Strange Encounters

in comedyopenmic •  6 months ago

I have the condition achondroplasia, more commonly known as dwarfism. It has affected me from birth. I say this because I was once asked by someone when I ‘came down’ with it. As though all was well until my mother decided to put me in the wash on a high heat.

Though I must admit, it was a pretty accurate choice of phrasing. I don’t know of anybody who ‘went up’ with dwarfism.

If I had a pound for every strange comment/question I received because of my size, I'd probably have the down payment on a mortgage by now. On a pretty big house.

It's amazing how the minds of some people work when faced with something they have never seen before. The kind of questions they see fit to ask.

Take the following situation, which is just one of many examples.

I was on my way to work one afternoon, waiting for the bus. It was late as usual. I think they just have timetables up for decoration now. The rain was pouring and there were lots of other people huddled under the shelter. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed one of them was glancing at me. A man, middle-aged and he appeared to be trying to find something to say to me.

Depending on what mood I'm in, I like talking to people, though small-talk has never really been my thing. Despite what my size might suggest.

After a moment or two of awkward silence, he spoke.

“Awful weather, isn't it?”

No kidding. The rain was falling down in sheets and bouncing off the floor. Any plans I might have had for sunbathing that day were definitely cancelled.

However, I refrained from pointing out how obvious this was and just smiled in agreement. Shortly afterwards, I decided to go and sit down. Expecting our local buses to be reliable is like expecting a chocolate teapot not to melt.

He followed and came to sit next to me, still appearing to be looking for something to say as I read my book. I could feel his presence next to me, the awkwardness hanging over the air like a cloud.

Eventually, he spoke again. But what he said was definitely not what I was expecting.

“If you don't mind me asking, do you know that small guy on TV?”

I put my book down and thought for a moment. In my mind, there were only two people he could possibly mean. One was Peter Dinklage, the American actor best known for playing Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones. The other was Warwick Davies, the British actor best known for playing Willow in the film of the same name.

Taking a wild guess, I replied to the man.

“Do you mean Warwick Davies?”

His eyes lit up as though he had just won the jackpot.

“Yeah, that's him! Do you know him?”

I blinked and replied as politely as I could.

“Well, I know of him, but I don't know him personally. Why?”

“I just wondered if you were in the same business. I thought you might operate in the same circles.”

Um, no. The mere coincidence that we both happen to be little people does not make us the best of friends. The last time I acted on a stage was in our high school's production of The Wizard of Oz. I played a jitterbug. Not the lofty heights I would need to reach to become friends with famous actors. It's a little like asking a black person if they know Whoopi Goldberg.

At that moment, the bus turned into the station and I took my opportunity to escape. I don't remember where the man went. But nobody asked me for my autograph so I don't think I gave the wrong impression.

People never cease to amaze me. But I’m the last person to blame them for being short-sighted.

This is my entry for Round 7 of the @comedyopenmic. Thank you for the nomination, @tinypaleokitchen.

I nominate @bex-dk and @idenkcall. Good luck!

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I'm black and know Whoopi Goldberg (just kidding). I like your post, guess it's time to step up to the plate. Challenege accepted! lol

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Aww, I was hoping for an autograph...

Thank you and good luck! I'm sure you can do it.

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Sweet. Can't wait to see what you come up with.

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looking forward to seeing your COM round8 entry @idenkcall :D

I laughed a little :D

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Thank you! I'm glad you did.

I assumed this post would be shorter...

Good stuff @alheath. Thank you for the laughs.

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I did my best. They do say that less is more.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Mild and enjoyable. Thank you for your entry

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Thank you!

I enjoyed that. Well written. Thanks for sharing

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Thank you!

Not good at humor, but thank you for thinking of me.

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No worries. I can nominate someone else, if you would prefer?

Haha! Oh, the puns. What was going through his head to just keep going with the line of thought and making it worse? Probably nothing, lol.

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I have no idea. Part of me would love to know. The other part lives in blissful ignorance.

You should have asked him, "Do you know my boss, since you're both in the same business. You know, the business of being an inconsiderate, clueless, obnoxious a**hole." LOL

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Aww, but I like my boss!

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You are very fortunate, many people do not have the same opinion. :)

I'm short of words right now😂. I'm friends with some elves, I really hope this won't affect our new friendship.

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As long as you don't run short of breath, you should be fine. I hope your friendship continues to grow over time.

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People like you are in short supply 😁

This was really well done, honey! I'm glad I nominated you. ;-)

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Thank you! I appreciate your nomination. I've written funny Facebook posts before, but this is my first time writing comedy for a competition.

Maybe I'll do it again...

your writing is petite and melodic, gives a thumbnail into your thinking, and there is a scant supply of descriptive talent like yours in comedy land.

👍👍& half - have seen many regular COM entries that dwarf in comparison to your giant performance in this 1st attempt, looking forward to seeing your 2nd entry @alheath!

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Thank you! As long as I don't start getting too big for my boots.

Such a great piece! I read through the comments and good to see so many puns have already been added... I just want to say I agree with most here... we want more! More is more!

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Thank you for your help in editing it! I'll have a think and see what else I can come up with.

What have I let myself in for?