This Ain’t Backgammon: Comedy Open Mic #24

Are you the type of Chess player who maintains an erratic two hundred point rating swing every other day depending on the amount of marijuana you’ve smoked?

Does everything go wrong and you realize, suddenly, that you are down a piece, retreating, and that all the smart moves you believed you played earlier now hang around your neck like a tie of thorns?

Do you make detrimental but confounding maneuvers to confuse your opponent into time loss?

Would you abandon your friends, family, and anyone else in order to slightly improve at a game many children will always be better at than you?

Are you the type of Chess player who thinks “tactics” are something used to pick up chicks?

Have you ignored all of the openings and, instead, rely on the one or two traps you remember and pray between moves that your opponent misses the trick?

Do you find yourself sneaking three minute blitz games on the toilet at work?

Does the checkerboard floor pattern in the break room make you tense and bloodthirsty?

Do you think that Bobby Fischer was a “pretty good guy” if anyone had given him a chance?

Have you ever accused a nine year old of cheating even though, in the back of your hollowed out ego, you know she did not cheat?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you might be right for the Steemit Chess Club.

(DISCLAIMER: If it turns out that you are not right for the Steemit Chess Club, you still might be good enough for Hollywood.)

Thank you.

Let's get physical and nominate @drstrangelove and @bobbyfischer.