Comedy Open Mic #5: Acolucky's Advice to Artists.

13" by 13" Oil on Ceramic Tile.

“When viewing another artist’s work, count to ten before moving on to the next piece. It gives the illusion that you care about what you are looking at.”

I heard that advice when I was young. It was a cruel thing to tell a child. However, most Kindergarten teachers aren’t trained in the arts, and many times our greatest burdens are dropped on us early in life.

Last week, as I counted to ten, lost in cold thought at a windowsill overlooking the back yard, there fell a piercing sunset across the snowy field. I seized the nearest tile, ripped it clean off the kitchen wall, and hashed out this painting.

I don’t mean to complain. When inspiration grabs you, you go. But I had a blind spot in the middle of my vision for three days following that sunset. I woke in cold sweats with sweltering migraine headaches. It is a reminder that, as artists, we should not stare for too long at a setting sun.

Like I said, I won’t complain. It is the first painting in more than a month. I had tried sleep deprivation and frustration at work, but those were not inspiring much art. I tried all the popular vices, also. No good.

I have come to this singular conclusion: no matter how much you run from it, an artist should get outside now and then. Also, a ten count is a long time to look at piece of art if you are not interested in that piece of art. The average viewing time of any individual piece, in any one gallery, at any given moment, is on the low side of three seconds.

An eight count is more than enough.

Thank you.

I nominate @improv and @godflesh to enter an original piece of humor for #comedyopenmic.