How you are supposed to treat your red-headed stepchild

First you must understand it is a ginger, not a human,and it will eat your sould when given the chance. After you realize that you are ready for step two, which is like a sex slave, minus the sex because thats how it gets your soul. You have to cage it, whip it, really do everything to it but have sex, and you will be on your way to the third step... divorce the mother, because after all, its not even your kid,so it shouldnt be your responsibilty, right? Or is it just me?