Dating, From a Strictly Extra-terrestrial Point of View. [Part 1]

in #comedy4 years ago

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Suppose you're an alien from outer space. You arrive to planet earth and try to experience the human way of life.

The first thing they tell you is to get a house, a job, and if you’re lucky enough, some nice woman to date.

That all sounds great but wait, how do I even get a date?

You don’t have a clue how these things works, so you go to and you type: “DATES”

All of the sudden, this annoying little fruit keeps showing up instead.

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You figure since you’re new here and have no idea how to get a date, why not just wait and observe how people interact and try to repeat the same thing.

You find a busy street and sit on a bench. You sit there waiting, with pen and paper, hoping to see some man-woman interaction takes place so that you can get some pointers, waiting that someone asks someone else for a date, so you see how it’s done.

This is Not How Attraction Works

You see a pretty girl walking down the street. In fact, she’s so pretty you can’t take your eyes off of her.

She has auburn hair and emerald green eyes and she’s wearing a nice red dress that makes half the male population work on their neck muscles.

You want to talk to her, you really do. But you don’t know what to say.

After all, you’re new here, so you don’t have the slightest clue of how to to approach a woman and ask her out.

If only there were other members of the male species that could appear right there and show you how it’s done.

Be careful what you wish for, pal!

Across the street, a bunch of guys at the construction site notice the same girl as well. And just like that, the dating ritual begins.

And let me tell you, you did not see this one coming.

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From a distance, they just kept shouting at her, complimenting her on her good looks.

Then on her nice dress, then on her nice body, then on her legs.

Wow! You say to yourself. This crap can’t possibly work!

Of course not, instead of feeling attracted to them, she almost started running away. The more they shout, the more she races away with every step getting faster than the other.

As it turns out, shouting at women from the rooftop of a building does not go well in the way of building attraction. If anything, it causes the exact opposite effect.

Well, either that or that deluge of compliments caused her to feel the sudden need for casual jogging.

You take a minute to digest the curious phenomenon that you've just witnessed. And you start wondering:

What did those guys expect anyways? That she climbs up over there and tells them: “You really think I have a nice butt? I had no idea! Let’s go find a motel room.”

Common guys. Really?

Needless to say, you need better teachers.

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Now it’s time to ask your friend Google, see what he's got for you. He seems to know everything.

You type in “How to approach women”, and a huge list of pick-up lines pops up. OK, now we’re talking!

With the enthusiasm of a teenager who had just cracked the parental control, you put pen to paper and start ‘hoarding’ all the funny pickup lines you've came across.

You're excited now, pumped, with only one thing on your mind: Tonight we’re we’re going out.

You get a nice shirt, some nice shoes, you even put in a blazer to look classy and then you hit the clubs.

You enter the joint with poise, with the confidence of a man who believes that his newly found pick-up lines would get him to the promised land.

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You sit by the bar, and barely a few minutes later a truly beautiful woman comes close to order a drink. The muscles of your face betray you letting a tiny smirk escape. You know it's time.

OK then, let’s do this thing!

But Here's the thing that you didn't see coming.

Just when you stand up to go talk to her, the strangest thing happens. You feel that something is suddenly holding you back.

Oh crap!

… To be continued.

Image Sources: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5


Great post friend xD
Honestly I find it easiest if you don't try with girls.
If you are mentally uninterested they will notice that and clinge to you, as women have a detector for attention sourcing xD

Hey thanks man! Yeah it's mind-boggling how many people think that displaying neediness could get girls attracted to them.

"a detector for attention sourcing" Haha

oh noooo you just revealed THE SECRET to mankind, how dare you ^^
but wait..
now they know that we know it, which than leads us to we know that they know what we know and ending up by them going nuts and we still dont care ^^
hm waterproof system
upvoted and following

Thats a great point of view to look at it from.

Haha I think so too. I think it's gives another perspective.

Ending a dating post this way is like...

such a...tease


I have helped so many women with community based or real estate issues, and then they get super mad or nasty at times, when you really were just trying to help them and not interested in dating them!!!

Girls can be mean and scary LOL

Haha sorry for teasing, it was a cliff-hanger kinda. I'll post the second part don't worry.

"Same bat time.... same bat channel!..."


Dating is a beast on its own. For a minor like me it is a simple hey your cute you down? But it seems for more mature adults its like trying to play footsie with a beartrap!

Haha playing footsie with a beartrap. Cool metaphor!

Is the alien from Mars, looking for a female from Venus? Is the something holding him back the girl's boyfriend? Can't wait to find out!

Haha it will come up soon :)

Comical post! Reminds me in truth why I sadly quit dating ten years ago though ! If it's any different on Venus - I'll go try there! Thank you @the-alien

I hope you don't quit for good. There's always someone you could meet and togther you can laugh about the dating scene..

Which reminds me, I should write one about Tinder :P

Anyways, thanks man! I wish you the best.

Dating is such a strange concept :)
Great story....will be waiting for part deux

Haha it's curious indeed. That's why I explore it from an outsider view :)

Thank you for the nice comment!

Dating is weird in my opinion, i mean i take you out to fancy places, spend a good chunk of money on you and then what? To spend the rest of my life pumping our little me's and occasionally-but not nearly as i want to- get to enjoy a certain amount of pleasure?

Trade off: 5min pleasure for my life.. . . .m

Mr alien, i am staying single

Oh please don't call me Mr Alien :P

Haha I was gonna say Mr Alien was my father, but it doesn't apply ;)

Haha I Thought this post was literally about aliens, Great title caught me and yea with girls you just have to be yourself and love yourself when people see that you love yourself then they'll love you simple as that Great Article

Absolutely! Love yourself first :) Become the person people wanna date, without needing them to like you.

Thank you btw!

Can't wait to see what ET thinks of Tinder!

Haha I was just talking about that in a comment above. Maybe I'll write about it soon :)

I think you should! I don't believe many relationships nowadays are a result of real life interaction, sadly. On a happier note, I'm sure you'll manage to turn it into a hilarious chapter :-)

Yeah you're right, swiping left and swiping right is so much easier.

Maybe I should write one yes it could be funny, part 2 is about cheesy pick up lines and we see from there :)

But if your an alien couldn't you just telepathically make her like you??

Haha there are no shortcuts my friend :)

Got to the end of your post, and just like my love life... blue balls hahaha

Nice post, looking forward to reading more.

Haha, I'm glad you liked it!

This is hilarious 😂

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :)

Hmmm.... is the "oh crap" moment that the lovelorn alien forgot his wallet? Meeting (what I'm assuming are "working") ladies at the club can cost quite a few Benjamins. Doubt the club bar accepts bitcoin...but she might...

Haha, the "oh crap" is just that the alien realized what humans feel in these situations.. Part 2 is coming up soon :)

Thanks for the hilarious comment!

Sounds like this ET might be an actual PERSON and has more feelings than most humanoids. Looking forward to Part 2 @the-alien ...

If this friendly alien was visiting NYC, I'd invite him over for tipples on the terrace. My strawberry sangria is a sweet way to cool off! Happy Thirsty Thursday! :D

Nice one @the-alien
waiting for next part :)

Thank you! I'll try to not disappoint :)

Ha! Is that a real movie? Looks like a funny movie. Great find!

oh it's real. used to watch it on cinemax back in the day

As it turns out, shouting at women from the rooftop of a building does not go well in the way of building attraction.

Haha, surprisingly not :D
However, women like the confident and straight-forward approach. That's at least my non-extra-terrestrial point of view... Or maybe I've just seen the movie "Crazy, Stupid, Love"? too often ;-)

I'm really curious to know how the alien is going to manage it. Great idea for a steemit series, Adil!

Haha no, you're absolutely right, the confident straight forward approach is the best.

Awesome movie by the way!

Haha the alien is not gonna manage it, he'll struggle. It's a comedy.

Yeah a series was in the works since last July actually, I have a bunch of episodes already, depending on timing I'll see what works best, but it'll be there :)

Meanwhile, I'll try to write some alien adventures on trending topics. :)

I got an idea:

And then after getting ready to go and get your valentine, you look outside the window and see a lovely brunette walking down the street.

 "She notices that you are seeing her and smile, suddenly you are stuck with fear and began sweating , half a second has past and you don't know how to act" 

Thank me later ;D hahaha

Haha thanks!

You can also began the abduction or the probe hahahaha

Just kidding though :p

nice post

Best tips I got:

  1. Approach
  2. Say you are not dangerous
  3. Tell her she is pretty
  4. Ask her what she likes in life
  5. Ask her out for a date
  6. Celebrate with beer
  7. Rinse and repeat!

Great post! I sent people your way and mentioned you in my last post! Cheers!

Yeah I agree, letting her talking about herself is a great thing.

Thanks btw!

Confidence is the key! .Me for example, I like a guy that is confident and goes for it. Try it 👌

Thank you for your information

Amazing post. Funny yet full of good info!

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