Homeless Hack: Loitering A Practical Guide

in #comedy4 years ago (edited)

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Homeless Hack: Loitering 101

Loitering is not for everyone. But if you're a homeless, it is a difficult reality...and that's just what you and I must do. I deal with difficult circumstances by being number 1.

Some people see a counselor, others a drug dealer, occassioinally. And still, some use both drugs and a counselor, and plus a pharmacy and a drug dealer of some sort, sometimes. For some, that still isn't enough. They want more of a self inflicted, time-consuming, and also expensive headache. And so...they also buy booze.

Being number 1 is usually easier, takes less time, and will never cause the hiccups or result in poor food choices and late night eating.

Being number 1 is also free, with respect to loitering which isn't that respectable, which is why it is so important to be number 1 at it, so you can move on to other things to be number 1 at besides loitering!

If you have the faith, you can race a car or a boat in the future. Start by being number 1 at things that are free like loitering.

Lotiering is free only if you don't get a ticket or arrested. It is also boring, illegal, and requires careful planning. It is important to decive people into believing you belong there.

Try these partical tips:

+Apear that you are going to be there a short amount time.

Save your defeated face for a later date when it doesn't matter (to other people...it should always matter to you!).

If you appear you are going to be there a short amount of time, they will let you stay for a long amount of time. The non-homeless are crazy. It is not always fun to play their stupid games. And they wonder why we scream.

+Make it appear that you are with someone else.

See the picture above. Face a newspaper the opposite direction. Pull out the opposite chair so it looks like someone was sitting there and just got up for a minute. Set your drink on the opposite side of the table infront of your non-drinking hand.

Make it a girl drink. Get whipcream on it. You will need the calories for all the walking later, that goes on all day.

+Only speak to non-homeless or other homelesses who are cleaner and nicer than you while loitering.

You don't want it to look like you are a homeless magnet, looking like a homeless is bad enough.

+Remove other low grade homeless

Do this by insulting them loudly. An angry homeless, is a homeless on the move. Once you insult them, move away from them slowly until they move away and move on.

Avoid eye contact (after the insult) unless you want to get spit on and are in the mood to shove or punch someone.

It that case, continue to insult them by insulting them quietly so they move closer to hear you and follow you to somewhere their isn't a security camera or other people.

If you win the homeless fist fight, don't bother checking their pockets for money. They have less than 20 dollars and often carry IV needles. It is a wise idea to remove one of their shoes and throw it as far as you can so they are less likely to be a threat in future for you.

Or you could find a homeless loitering and give them a new pair of socks.

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