He's Got the Whole World in His Hand (Negro Spiritual)

I've been so lost over the years through my search for the ultimate truth. I fell into some pretty dark circles and entertained some far out ideas. I studied the Occult for many years and remember coming to the conclusion and thinking I Am the Christ. I still struggle with delusions and occult philosophies like the belief that the physical world doesn't exist or it's all in my mind and nothing more than a dream. I've searched for options to try to heal my mind but I still do not want to take any pharmaceutical cures to keep my healing as natural as possible. My delusions were terrifying though. I used to imagine that even the people paid to protect us like our governing politicians and law-enforcement had nothing but selfish motives behind their actions. I wish I had the will to apologize to all of the Christians who have tried so desperately to help and encourage me through my dark path and lifelong struggle with mental illness and debilitating depression genetically passed down through my mother and compounded by her mental, physical and emotional abuse towards me and my father, may he rest in peace. I live in the best country in the world and have taken my freedom for granted. I'm free to do anything I want, be anything I want to be. I can only continue down the road I'm on for the time being and hope that through my stroke symptoms and lifelong chronic depression a love for life and will to live will blossom and transform my life and the lives of those around me. I don't have a mentor, family or supporting circle of encouragement besides you my long distance internet friends. I travel down this road alone like an unfamiliar song. The only way to perfect it is through practice. Until it's perfection I can only leave it in the hands of the almighty and true god of gods, the center of The All.