Digital Diary 18 Jan 2018
Hey God,
So yea, tonight was no surprise at all. I could see this coming from a mile away. I've been with this person long enough now to see the signs.
Why does this person do this? Honestly, why God? It is so unnecessary & it's stealing my joy like You cannot believe. Why does it bother me so much? Because God, I don't want to be without this person in my life. But the things this person does is killing me inside.
It's making me focus more on the person than on You. & yes, I know what You're going to say. I know You're going to say nothing should come before You, and I completely agree. But God, it's so hard to let go. I have faith in this person. I have seen the type of person this individual can be.
But yes, this isn't my responsibility to fix this person, it's Yours. I'm trying to do Your work & that is wrong. I have tried God, You of all people know how hard I have tried to support this person, be there for them, sacrifice for them. & for what God? To get this in return? To be treated like this? Oh sure this person has their good qualities, but this hot & cold I just cannot handle anymore.
That's why coming to You is so awesome. You never have a bad day, or You're never in a bad mood or too busy for me. You're always there. 247 365
& yet the one person who's always there for me, I neglect. How's that for stupidity? I'm sick of this. I want to come home God. I want You to fill that gap I have for a human partner with Your love. I want to be complete in You, not in this world.
I'm sad tonight God. My heart is so heavy & so sore. But tomorrow is another day. Let's see what happens.
Reading this internal dialogue makes me happy about where you are going. Focus on God first and foremost. All the other things will fall into line afterwards.
God first yes, even if it means losing everything.
Thank you for your support Mr. Allen
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