Today we're looking at how to wisely resolve conflicts. A conflict is a state in which two persons are at odds with each other. A conflict may be as mild as a mere disagreement arising from a minor misunderstanding or it could be much louder than that.
At the very beginning of a love relationship, we do not usually like to admit it but it's true that to some extent both persons pretend a little. They put up their best faces and will unconsciously do everything to conceal their ugly tendencies. We may not want to pretend at will but we all want to make a good impression.
For this reason and the excitement of being in a relationship, the two persons are usually always very happy at the start. Everything appears to be sugary sweet, nice and pretty, no speed bumps, no frictions, no disagreements etc. Each one just lies low for the other and it all feels like a fairy tale world. Usually at this point all the head spinning emotions of being in love seem to be at top gear. It never looks like there will come a day when sensitive issues will spring up and they would have to deal with them.
There are some others who have been in a relationship for quite some time and are still enjoying all the fun and joy that the initial affectionate connection brought. Some people are not there. They're experiencing some unpleasant moments right now.
Whatever category you fall into and wherever your relationship is at this moment, it is important to know and always remember that days of challenge will arise. A wise person will prepare in advance to overcome such times so as to still maintain a solid relationship. Truth is, we all are humans and none is perfect (at least not yet). We all do have our differences. We are different in personalities.
The issue of conflicts (if you like, misunderstandings) arising, is inevitable. Great relationships develop not because they never face disagreements but because the persons involved use wisdom to resolve differences and overcome the rough times.
Below I share with you some vital steps we could take to resolve such conflicts that would want to kill the joy in our relationship.
1) WITHDRAW AND RELAX:
A lot of times when we are angered by our friends and loved ones, it is almost impossible not to react immediately, expressing our hurts or dissatisfaction at the offending issue. But most times such reactions are tantamount to adding salt to injury.
When something happens and one person in the relationship is hurt, what follows next is determined by the response or reaction of that person at the receiving end of the hurt. A better way to calm and help the whole situation is by taking a chill pill. By that I mean to relax and take a mental distance so that when your response comes, it will be more of an after thought than a direct talk back. If we can practice this, it would help to reduce the tension in the situation. Keeping in mind the words of James in 1:19 would help a lot.
2) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY:
Conflicts not properly handled can lead to the death and burial of a one time sweet and loving relationship. That's because most times one person waits for the other to take the bull by the horn and seek to settle the mishap.
Taking responsibility entails you going to talk to the other person about the situation as soon as it occurs or making sure such a problem is dealt with that very day if possible or as soon as possible. It requires you being mature enough to take the blame and being quick to apologise for what the other person holds against you and say you're sorry, even if it wasn't your fault in the first place.
Love in action is humility in times of conflicts.
That's what love does. Now between a man and a woman, both should never forget that they have been wired in two different ways. When in the midst of misunderstandings we acknowledge, understand and accept the fact that we're wired differently, we allow the healing balm work its wonders in our relationships. As God's Word has said in Ephesians 4:26, let's let go of hurts before dusk of the same day.
3) DISCUSS SOLUTIONS TO SUCH PROBLEMS:
In the process of settling such conflicts, you both can point out what caused the misunderstanding in the first place and discuss how to ensure such does not happen again. But know that because we all have the tendency to forget, it may happen again and in stead of being quick to point fingers, you should rather encourage and believe in your partner's ability to effect a positive change. Love believes the best in everyone and sees a weed as a potential rose. That's how you should perceive things in your relationship.
4) BE QUICK TO FORGIVE:
For any relationship to thrive and see the light of many more beautiful days and countless years, both partners or friends, as well as loved ones, must learn how to forgive quickly and easily no matter how terrible such a grievance that must have occurred.
For love to be real it has to come with the attribute called forgiveness.
As a matter of fact, forgiveness is what makes true love unconditional, for it doesn't hold on to the past, it does not hold on to wrongs and it doesn't bear grudges but it forgets completely and continues to love like nothing ever happened. I know that could be quite a task but one who wants to grow and exercise love to have the best in their relationships, must learn how to imbibe the forgiveness culture.
Love never fails. Love will never end. Love will go on and on forever. These things are the very things that will continue forever. They are unchanging principles. If you wait until 20years from now, you'll still have to do these same things if you want to have a successful relationship. So, do not let the little foxes that spoil the vine destroy your relationship.
Let Love Lead.
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