Love & Marriage 79 - Practical togetherness - Parenting responsibilities Part 5

First I apologise for not posting a few days. It was due to this ddos attack on steemit and some personal stuff preventing me from writing.

Dr. Steve Stephens in his book, Blueprints for a solid marriage, make the analogy that marriages are like houses. We are busy with the kitchen, which represents all the practical projects in the marriage. Parenting should be an area of togetherness and not something that only one spouse should do. If you do this together and you do it right then it can strengthen your relationship, by having well-behaved children and you can marvel in your kids and enjoy watching them grow up.

As parents, you have a responsibility to set rules that teach, protect and guide your children. Without discipline, your children run the risk of growing up spoiled, irresponsible, and possibly even delinquent adults. Discipline brings children from immaturity to maturity. It helps them avoid the foolishness, dangers and various other pitfalls of life. It teaches them that there are rules to be obeyed, no matter how old they are, that there are consequences to be paid for disobeying these rules.
Parents who love their children will discipline them. Every individual has a slightly distinct perspective on discipline; much of this is based upon how they were disciplined as a child. This can be highly emotional and therefore it is very important that each couple work together.

If a child senses differences in discipline styles, he or she will quickly set you up into good guy vs bad guy roles, doing everything possible to manipulate you against each other. Therefore work together and establish rules of discipline as a team, before you communicate them to your children. Support each other in front of your kids, even if you disagree. When differences of opinion arise, resolve them in private. Your children need to see a united front, especially in this area.
Every couple has their own unique form of parenting, but researchers have divided these approaches into three basic styles.

• THE MARSHMALLOW STYLE
This is where there are few rules, and those set are often vague and unclear. This discipline has inconsistent follow-through. Children are given a lot of space and little supervision. They believe they can manipulate their way around the rules and talk their parents out of any consequence.

• THE MILITARY STYLE
This is the opposite extreme of the Marshmallow Style. There are many strict rules that are difficult to understand and/or obey. The discipline is often harsh and might be done in anger. Children frequently become fearful of their parents and might even believe they will get into trouble no matter what they do.

• THE MANAGED STYLE
This style draws from the strengths of the two other types, and it has been proven to be the most effective. There are clear rules with calm, consistent consequences. Children know what to expect and that their parents discipline because they love them. Discussed the managed style together and then figure out how you can implement it as a team. Here are 10 points that will help the two of you be successful in this area.

1. Set clear, age-appropriate rules.
2. Explain the rules and why you have set them.
3. Describe the consequences of breaking the rules.
4. If your child is older, he or she might participate in setting these consequences.
5. Have your child repeat back to you the rules and the consequences
6. When your child breaks a rule, firmly without anger remind him or her of the rule and the consequences. Then follow through with the discipline.
7. If you are angry, don’t discipline until you have calmed down.
8. When finished with the discipline, reassure your child that you believe in him or her and that you are sure he or she will make a better choice next time.
9. Tell your children you love them and give them a hug. If a child Is not ready to accept one, don’t force it.
10. Move on with life without embarrassing children by bringing up their offences again.

Good luck with your parenting, but enjoy every moment, as time flies and before you know it, they will be all grown up.

Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage, Dr. Steve Stephens
Images: Getty images, young parents.com

Thank you for reading, be blessed, be together, cherish every moment with your spouse and family!

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