We are busy with emotional togetherness.

Closet Projects

We started with the closets which represent the emotional togetherness in our marriages. The different points we are looking at are:
Emotional awareness
Really look
Really listen
Identify
Emotional Analysis
History shapes you.
Needs differ
Know your triggers
Emotional articulation
Respect it
Emotional management
Bury them
Let them explode
Defuse them

In the previous 4 posts, we dealt with the first 10 points on the list above. In my opinion, this aspect of your marriage is extremely important. If you missed the other posts please look back. You can also tune in to mspwavesradio.com at 7pm UTC, click on listen where this whole series will be discussed today.

Emotional Management

Every marriage is a potential emotional minefield. On the surface all is calm and peaceful, but just beneath the surface lies danger. Negative or painful events in your history plant landmines. Your unsuspecting partner strolls across your life and innocently takes a wrong step.
Kaboom! Suddenly everything blows up. Without warning your spouse is shocked and scared and wounded.
Where did that come from?
What did I do wrong?
Why was I hurt?
How can I protect myself so I don't get hurt again?
Your spouse looks at you, and the love has been replaced by fear. You are no longer safe to be with. You are dangerous and your spouse cautiously moves into a defensive posture and avoids getting too close for fear or triggering another landmine.
The challenge for every couple is to learn how to manage emotions. There are three ways - bury the mines deeper, simply let them explode, or defuse them.

Bury them

Suppressing your emotions is dangerous. Many people figure that if you bury those unwanted emotions deep enough, you can forget them and they will just fade away.
No such luck, that won't happen. Buried emotions don't just fade away. They either work themselves back to the surface where they explode with a double fury or their poison leaks out, seeping through the soil and contamination all it touches.
Stuffing emotions is like a sliver driven deep into your finger. If you let it lie, it grows red and infected. It will cause:

• Pressure
• Puss
• Pain
  The longer you leave it, the worse it gets until it threatens the whole body. Emotions have to come out, just like splinters and landmines. here are some of the potential dangers of buried emotions:
• Depression
• Hypertension
• Stomach problems
• Headaches
• Passive-aggressiveness
• Confusion
• Weight gain or loss
• Nightmares
• Phobias
• Addictive patterns

https://wrightwellnesscenter.com/how-to-hold-space-emotion-marriage/

Let them explode.

Acting out your emotions is often just as dangerous as stuffing. Some carelessly let their emotions blow with the attitude. This is the way I am, or I can't help myself, or If I don't let it out, I'll go crazy.
But by exploding you risk hurting whoever happens to be close. The flying shrapnel of words can cut anyone within earshot. The blinding flash of raw emotion can send anyone running for cover. The reverberating blast shakes even the strongest from their feet and leaves them with lacerated memories that are slow to heal.
Explosions create both external and internal damage that can take years to fully repair. The fallout can plant mistrust and fear. The debris can close down communication. The lingering effects can hurt those you love the most.
Letting it explode might feel good, but the negative impact is too great. Besides, it rarely builds emotional togetherness.

Defuse them.

Working through your emotions honestly and humbly leads to understanding. To face landmines and admit that they are yours takes character. To approach and defuse them takes courage.
But what if your partner rejects you or loses respect for you? What if he or she thinks you have too many buried mines? What if he or she finds the wiring on your mines too complicated?
Many are afraid to defuse because of their spouse's possible response. But if you are honest and humble, your partner will draw closer rather than move away. Talking through your most negative emotions without blaming your spouse or parents or anyone else can create intimacy that brings two hearts closer than ever. To see one's spouse so vulnerable also challenges the other to be honest and humble about his or her own mines.
Good management involves the willingness to proactively work through the negative emotions. This might not seem natural. But it is healthy and it makes for a rewarding marriage. If you are willing to take the risk and move out of your comfort zone, the payoff is incredible.

Here are a few ways to defuse emotions

• Pray together.
• Breathe deeply.
• Share what is happening inside you.
• Let go of your self-protection.
• Avoid blame or attacks.
• Talk about what you need.
• Initiate positive physical contact.
• Discuss changes to make things better.
• Thank your spouse for listening and accepting you.
• Do something you both enjoy.

Wrap up

Most marital failures are the result of a lack of emotional togetherness. If you don't connect at a feeling level, you will struggle as a couple. Many couples are emotionally disconnected right now. Whenever both partners are committed and motivated to have a great marriage, it can happen in spite of a hundred difficulties. Everything starts with emotional togetherness.

Thank you for reading, I sincerely hope that this series of posts will help you in your marriage with emotional togetherness and emotional management.

Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage - Dr. Steve Stephens - Tyndale House Publishers
Images: freepik except if stated otherwise.

@hope777