Frameworks Issue #24: Fathering An Orphan World

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I'm wanting to expand more on my write on the part of family and want to focus particularly on fathers and children of the family aspect. You can read get the overview of where I'm coming from on my post Frameworks Issue #20: Counterfeit Love Part 3: The War Against Humanity.

Just a reminder that this post is not about, "Children, how to be grateful to your parents you and don't be a spoilt brat". With that.... let's go!

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Fathering is a real important subject to talk about. A lot of people grow up without a father or father figure in their lives which the absence of one affects the life of a person a lot. Because many fathers have been absent or more accurately, their influence have been absent in their children's lives, many grow up with an orphan spirit and mindset. They have a family but they behave as though they don't. They have a father but they act fatherless.

You don't become a father because you had a baby. That's just us, having a baby. We become fathers by deciding to love, care, and lead the family.

What is a father?

A father is someone who protects, provides and leads. This 3 roles of a father directly affects our sense of self-worth, value, and purpose. In short, the presence or absence of a father in our life affects our identity. I believe that the majority of social ills and broken communities are directly related to fatherlessness or an orphan spirit.

In this post I'd like to propose that the ultimate role of a father is to make sure our children know that they are loved.

The Orphan Spirit that HAS been broken!

Feeling unloved is a mental illness. If we're constantly feeling unloved and constantly in a state of depression, then we're not unloved, we're under bondage. When you're under a bondage, love can't slap you right in the face and you would miss it.

We live in a world full of orphans or in the case of the gospel (good news), a world full of children that don't know who their Daddy is.

I have never met anyone who hates God and loves their parents. Never in my life. Why? Because their experience of their earthly parents and upbringing has defined their bias view on how they "understand" God. How can you understand a perfect and gracious Father who will never leave you and even in your laziness and whatever brokenness will still take care of you, if you had an earthly father who only rewarded you if you met his standards and punished you otherwise? You can't try to understand God's grace from your experiences, or lack thereof.

Getting born again doesn’t change your theology. - Chris Onayinka

You have to have a new set of eyes, a new brain, a new way of thinking to enjoy the fullness of God's grace and love for you. Good news is that YOU DO HAVE a new life!

A Better Posture

I'm sure all of us no matter how perfect or imperfect our parents were or whether we had a perfect or imperfect, we all have some hang-ups when it comes to family. I mentioned in my earlier post on "parents and children" relationship that perhaps we've gotta learn how to give and receive love better.

Often times we feel unloved or uncared for not because nobody loves or nobody cares about us but simply because we fail to recognize what is being given to us is in fact love. It's so easy for us to take things for granted, wouldn't you agree with me? Sometimes in fact, we take for granted the people that are loving us and are caring for us.

For example, your mother doing the dishes could be her way of showing that she loves you. But to you, love looks more like a hug. Your mom could be washing 10,000 dishes for the next 10 years of your life but gave you like 2 hugs in that same 10 years and you could feel like you're not love. Because your intepretation or love language is being touched, being hugged but your mom's love language could be acts of kindness and that's precisely what she is giving you, love in her way. In other words, 2 people, a parent and a child could feel unloved their whole lives toward one another just because they had bad love receptors.

How bout on the giving end? A lot of parents give what they think is best. The problem with that is that you're giving only from what you're capable of giving. You're giving from your capacity. It shifts the focus from understanding and letting the child know he/she is loved to our ability. It's inward looking and not outward looking. We can think that washing the dishes, or in this case fathers, may think that just because we're giving them a home to stay in, food to eat and clothes to wear, that we're doing a great job. How many people have all of the above and still feel abandoned? Still feel unwanted and unloved?

Should our children be grateful for these things that we do on a daily basis for them? Of course. But if we're assuming that they should know that they're loved simply because of these actions, then we're being naive. I mean, our children shouldn't be guessing whether we love them or not. If they aren't understanding the your acts of kindness and reponsibliity = love then find out what is love in their eyes. If they have a wrong perspective of it then highlight to them what were the things you did in love to and for them. Children should know clearly that, "Papa loves me". They shouldn't be guessing. Love shouldn't be vague to them.

Provide them all that you know they need and work on making a very very clear message that they are loved.

Children shouldn't be guessing whether they are loved. Make it a clear message to them that they are!

Whether it's on the receiving or giving end of love and care, I think we can learn to posture ourselves better. We can posture ourselves better in giving love to our children and children, we can learn a better posture in receiving. And in a world that we are fed with so much superficial acts of affection, we should reconsider that perhaps we could do with some detox and redefinition of love. We can have better love receptors, learning how to receive and respond better.

We can learn to receive the love that comes to us in the form of washing dishes and we can learn to give hugs even if hugging feels uncomfortable to us. In this manner, we're considering the other person's love language more than ourselves and our preferences. I think this looks a lot like what love is.

Conclusion and Final encouragement

Parents, if you've had hang-ups still with your parents, let me tell you that if you're not gonna deal with those issues or allow God to come into that area of your life, your unwholesomeness is gonna spill over to your family. For the sake of our kids generation and theirs, let us be healed by God and allow Him to mend our brokenness. Let's give up our right to feel like a victim defined by our past and let us grow and mature in love.

Soak in the endless supply of His great love for us and meditate on it. He is the ultimate Father of us all. When Christ's disciples asked Him how they should pray, He introduced a new way of relating with God. Not as YHWH. Not as ALMIGHTY. But as "Our Father" (Matthew 6:9, Luke 11:2). Through Christ, we have been welcomed to this family and made heirs of the kingdom. Whether children or parents, let's be loved by our Father. Let Him define us, redefine us. Bring love and wholesomeness to our inner world and give us identity.

Parents, you'll be surprised that if you ask your child whether they know you love them, their answers could be seriously hurtful. However, I wanna encourage you to initiate this conversation with them. Don't sweep things under the carpet. What you're doing here is that you're giving them an opportunity to be vulnerable. It's empowering them to grow and there will be grace for you and for them.

God's things done in God's way will never lacks God's supply.

I believe that if you're willing and courageous enough to be this vulnerable, your next 20 years of life with your child will be very different from the past 20.

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TOPIC FINDER: I always enjoy talking with people on topics they like to converse about so if you have a "How-To" or a question related to life, leave a comment and I'll write my thoughts on it in an upcoming post. Bless you!

Previous Frameworks: Frameworks Issue #23: 'It' is Finished!

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Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://danielwong.vornix.blog/2018/09/21/frameworks-issue-24-fathering-an-orphan-world/

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