Arranged Marriage 🤔...Not a Bad Idea!
I remember hearing about arranged marriages when I was very young. I couldn’t grasp the whole concept of them because I was too young to understand but I do remember thinking it was a horrible thing. I thought,
how could parents make their kids be with someone for a lifetime that wasn’t their choice? It’s slavery!
I then learned at an older age forced marriages were what I was speaking of above. This is where one or both parties have no say so. In arranged marriages on the other hand, both parties agree with the arrangement that has been made.
There are several factors that encourage arranged marriages:
• tradition
• culture
• religion
• limited choices
• marrying late
• disabilities
• politics
One of the reasons stated above is why I think arranged marriage is not a bad idea...
Limited Choices
When you have children of your own your perspective about things changes quite a bit. I now understand why some families opt for arranged marriages. Looking at the things going on around us, our society is becoming scarier and more dangerous everyday. It’s harder to trust people now and you really don’t know if people are who they say they are (in all aspects). The choices for potential people are becoming scarce.
I look at some teenagers and young adults today and think,
oh my goodness your kids will be my kids’ peers. Your kids could be the ones possibly marrying my kids.
Looking at how they behave gives me an idea of how their children will be because our children are a reflection of who we are (in most cases because some kids totally go astray from their upbringing). I know these teenagers could change and they will have room to grow but what if they don’t? What if they stay the same and their kids grow up to be disrespectful and criminal? I don’t want my children to be with someone along those sorts. So what’s my solution?...
Friends of the Family
I have had some of my babies around the same time as a few of my close friends. We share the same values, morals and are pretty active in each other’s lives. I know how they raise their children and the standards they live by. So why not? This would be a perfect setup for our children. We already know and love their parents, we’ve watched them grow up too, we won’t have to “guess” who they really are, won’t have to deal with in-laws we don’t like, they will already be on one accord spirituality and they have grown up together as family friends.
All of my friends are on the same page with this because they don’t want their kids to end up marrying a ‘Cray Cray’! 🤪 We have already begun matching our kids up according to age and personality. Lol
Okay in case you were wondering if we are really going to do this for our kids this was only us wives talking. We joked and laughed around of the idea (we really did match them up though 😁) but our husbands weren’t involved in that convo. I think they would agree if we really talked about it though. Although an arranged marriage might not take place for our children, it will be a...
Guided Marriage
We are teaching and instilling biblical values in our children. We strongly believe in marrying someone you are equally yoked to. My husband is teaching our daughters what a God fearing man looks like through his walk, talk and actions. He especially shows them by the way he governs our home and how he loves and cares for me. At the same time my sons are learning how to be this type of man by watching him. We are guiding them on what type of spouse to desire.
I hope and pray that each of my children that desire to marry, will find that special someone they love and can trust...and that we like their parents! 😜
Thanks for stopping by! I hope you were Amused!
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I totally get the thought-process behind this!
I am also concerned with who my children may eventually marry. I am doing my best to raise them to be good christians and to love the Lord, but at the same time, I dont want them to get frustrated with me being too 'controlling' and rebelling and disregarding my advice entirely.
My oldest is about to be 15, so I have some time yet. Hopefully, with a lot of care, prayer and guidance, they will all find wonderful people to be 'yoked' with. ♥
Great post!
I agree on this. We don’t want our children rebelling either. We just have to do our best to guide them and trust in the Lord that they will listen and make wise decisions.
Thank you very much for your sound input :)
💗
Interesting! Yes a guided marriage is more like it.
Everyone is entitled to have their freedom of choice. We as parents are there for support and guidance. Thanks for sharing your insights
Agreed! We definitely want them to have a freedom of choice but as their stewards we will guide them the best way we can :)
Thanks for reading~
Hahahaha, I second the final part of "liking their parents" 😂 I've seen and heard of many horrors because the in laws don't like each other. Truth is, whether we acknowledge it or not, it's true that a marriage is not just the union of two persons but also the coming together of two families. It would make life easier for the couple when both fams actually like each other lol
Oh yes you said exactly what I was thinking!! It is more than just those two coming together. It would be lovely if both families always got along but that’s not the type of world we live in lol!
I'll admit.. your title caught my eye & I knew I had to read it. It's a good insider of arranged marriages .. & YES! I do agree it's good to certain extend at least
Haaaa! Yay mission accomplished! I try to make titles that intrigue readers and entices them to come on in lol!
Thank you! I appreciate your reading and giving your feedback.
"Guided marriage" is an interesting idea. While I don't want to speak for people of a different culture, I used to work with a woman whose family was from Pakistan. She and her husband had divorced, and she said that her mother was arranging several men for her to meet. There was no obligation for her to marry any of them - it was more like a dating service arranged by her mother! I thought that was a nice idea, meeting a partner known and trusted by family and friends.
Oh yes that is a nice idea. I love that she wasn’t obligated to marry any of them but was given several good options she could choose from. We do want our kids to have the freedom of choice but there is definitely nothing wrong with suggestions and guiding them to make wise ones :)
Thank you for stopping by~
studies do show that arranged marriages have less stress and a far lower divorce rate than "love" marriages. Many confuse love with lust and lust fades. Those in arrange marriages try harder to keep the peace and many grow to truly love their spouse.
I couldn’t of said it better! I agree with everything you said. Love is definitely confused with lust.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
It is still folowed in India. But the new generation is getting in love marriage theory. Or love cum arrange...there is different kind of excitement in knowing an unknow person whom you never knew before..and gradually love blossom in each other heart👍
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I also read about that...how parents hope that love eventually blossoms and their hearts grow toward one another.
Thanks for chiming I’m :)
Ha ha. Good ideas. My parents always wanted me to marry this guy I was friends with in high school whose parents were my parents' best friends. They had two sons, so I would "have my pick." Thankfully they went different directions for college and both married girls from there. Had I married either of them, my life would be totally different than it is now. Perhaps I would be happy, ya never know! :)
Lol!! Thanks!
Haa “have your pick”! Yes your life would be totally different. According to studies you would have “eventually” been happy as time went on. But yea you never know.
Thanks for your input :)
We were among families that gather partly for the purpose of having people their children knew. When three sisters married three brothers, there was a lot of nasty talk among extended family about how they'd been forced marriages, which was ridiculous if you knew the kids involved; but just be aware, there are people who think you really will do this to your kids if you have any interest in helping them at all!
I always hoped I would marry a boy I grew up with, but God definitely had different plans for me on that one. The biggest thing I think I was blessed with in that regard was that I had grown up knowing that I wanted above all else to marry a good and Godly man and had some idea what that meant.
So instead of the homeschooled, likeminded boy my parents and I kind of imagined I'd marry, I married a public-schooled man who'd only been a Christian for a few years. And he's wonderful.
Yes I can imagine the ridicule they faced. I don’t see anything wrong with parents “suggesting” someone for their children. That’s part of us looking out for them. I know I won’t hesitate to do so if I see someone fit for them.
I can resonate with this. I too thought I would marry someone totally different. I almost got engaged two other times but the Lord had different plans for me that’s for sure. At first my mind wasn’t focused on a God fearing man, it was more about how he treated me. I soon realized that if a man doesn’t love God he could never love me.
That’s so amazing! You ended up marrying someone you would never have imagined and look at the unity you have. You have a beautiful God fearing marriage :)
Amen: if a man doesn't truly love God first, he's never going to be unselfish enough to truly care for his wife and family next, I believe. It's the fear of God that takes the selfish out of us, in the end.
And God knew what he was doing with you and your husband too: whew, it was a near miss with two other men!
I am so thankful God had different ideas than I did...
Amen!
Yes God knew exactly what He was doing!!!
I have an acquaintance through work who is in an arranged marriage and it is much like what you described where the two families got together and decided for them, he said it was their culture, he is middle eastern but not sure what country.
He said it works well and they have grown to love each other and have two little boys that are the best kids you could imagine.
So while it might sound Cray Cray to us, it does work them or so it seems.
That’s so great that they have grown to love each other. I believe that can happen. I totally get it and understand why families go this route.
Thanks so much for adding your thoughts :)
You are welcome, it is an interesting subject for sure. We have some friends that have five daughters and we have joked about our two boys ending up marrying one from that selection of girls. They also have paired up one of their girls in their minds for our youngest boy, her name is Maddie but I see him ending up with Whitney who is a few years younger than him.
Haaa! That’s exactly what us moms were doing. Why not match them up with the children of people you ready know! 😄