Thorn in my Flesh Part 1 (@catietan life series)

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I’ve been a Christian for many years and throughout my life, I still have many questions unanswered. A lot of “whys” concerning my life but God often tells me that “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord” (Romans 8:28). At first, I really did not understand this verse… “for good” - all things for good? How is it possible that all those things that come and go in our lives will work out for our own benefit? Just like the apostle Paul, there was given me a “thorn in my flesh.” I often prayed to God to remove this thorn in my flesh and yet the Lord in the same way He replied to Paul said “My grace is sufficient for thee, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” but as the years went by…this thorn in my flesh multiplied and became “more thorns”… All I could do was pray that God will give me more grace and more strength to keep on going…continue living…for without Him, I am nothing.

Throughout my life, I have greatly experienced God’s love, His power and very presence especially when a tragic incident befell upon me. It happened in 1997, the four-storey building where we were staying as a family was constructed with a light well (an open space designed for the purpose of letting the sunlight to provide natural light to the inner rooms). One particular night, a man hid himself there without anybody noticing. This man who would turn out to be my attacker had evil intentions and he was ready to carry out his plans that night. My room directly faces the light well and the windows don’t have grills on them so the attacker was able to enter my room freely around midnight. I was a light sleeper and when he put a knife on me, his movement was very fast, and he was able to cut my throat up to the nerve at the side of my neck. I tried to shout but no sound came out, he then removed my blanket and tried to stab my body. Although I was feeling weak, I tried to get up and was able to reach the door but he pulled my hair and started to punch me on my face, my head as well as my body and at the same time pushing me back towards the wall. When he saw me collapsed to the floor while bleeding profusely, perhaps he thought I was dead and he got terrified, as he panicked, he jumped off the window. Minutes passed and it turned to hours until, I regained my consciousness. At first, I thought I was dreaming. I tried to stand up but felt so weak and can’t move. I felt my right hand starting to get numbed with a prickly heat sensation. I tried to move my left hand but I can’t. I saw blood on the floor, I touched it, it was real, I was not dreaming! I felt thirsty, I used my right hand to touch my mouth, and to my surprise, I discovered that one of my lower teeth was missing. Maybe it got loose when he punched my face, then when I saw my loosened tooth on the floor; I realized that everything was real and not just a dream. I attempted to make some noise by stumping my weak right foot on the bedside but to no avail nothing happened. I was so weak and tired; I had no more strength and energy to shout or even just to make any sound. All I could do was silently pray to God, I thought maybe this is how my life will end and I asked God to forgive my sins, I also asked God to forgive the attacker maybe he didn’t really intend to do this. I started to sing my favorite song “All things…”( in Chinese hymns) and still thought it was for good.

I tried to recall Psalms 23, He will make me lie down in green pastures and not on my own blood. Time passed, I tried to shout and make noise again with my weak right foot just to attract attention but I can’t. I didn’t feel the pain only the numbness enveloping me. I was tired, I wanted to give up. I just prayed to God to just let me fall asleep and not feel any pain. Morning came, I woke up, and was surprised I’m still conscious and still alive. It was a miracle. Again I prayed hard to God, I surrendered my life to the Lord whatever His will for me. I knew it was morning and I tried again to create some noise with my right foot. Until my older sister (Abby) knocked at the door of my room, she can hear a little bit of my weak voice but the door was locked so she immediately went to get the duplicate key. I instantly felt God’s peace transcend on me. Looking back, that incident revealed a lot of God’s gracious miracle, almost seven (7) hours had passed before I was rushed to the hospital but praise God the damage done was still repairable, the attacker inflicted wounds on my throat and body but the major organs were miraculously spared. With prayers from friends and relatives, some even donating their blood to me, I survived. I am and will always be forever grateful to them. Miracles still do happen.

I was confined two (2) days and one (1) night at a hospital in La Union. I was diagnosed as brown sequard syndrome, compression of the spinal column and multiple scoliosis. Then I was transferred to Manila for another surgery and further medication. Again, I felt God’s miracle working on me. The doctor said my being alive was really a blessing from God because most of my wounds were on the most sensitive nerves. A few inches deeper may have cost my life. The doctors also informed me that it would take two (2) years for me to be able to walk again. When I heard the news, it made me very depressed and asked questions like, “what must I do? Why did these things happen to me? Why would God allow me to suffer? Is this for my own good?” But God showed me how faithful He is and that nothing is impossible with Him. Through prayers and daily therapy, I was able to walk a few steps and can go up and down the stairs within a month. The doctor was amazed at the progress I made when I visited his clinic after two (2) months. I was able to walk without crutches or support. Glory to God.

The thorn that I use to question God before became thorns, but I believe that God loves me enough not to pluck it out again. Though I experienced lots of pain and sufferings, I believed these are all testings or trials. I now fully understand the verses “My grace is sufficient for thee” and “All things work for good…”

As the years went by….Thank God I was able to walk though not as normally as before. I felt a prickly heat sensation with numbness in my whole body due to the poor circulation of blood. I consulted a lot of doctors including alternative medicine practitioners and yet nothing significant happened. After 1 ½ years stay in manila. I just decided to continue my therapy here in our province of La Union.

Thank you for your time reading my testimony..
The Best is yet to come
God bless everyone..
I am Catherine Tan a.k.a @catietan

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