Baby Sleep Guide

My child slept very badly at night. I breast-fed my daughter for almost three years. It badly affected my health) My daughter often woke up and asked for a breast. When I finished breastfeeding, it turned out that her sleep was still disturbing and intermittent. I had to learn a lot of information on this topic. I want to share with you some interesting questions to which I received answers. Perhaps it will be useful for you!

If I respond to my baby each time she cries during the night, will it teach her that I will come every time she cries?

This is a common fallacy and, unfortunately, one that can place a huge amount of unnecessary pressure on parents. For example, comments such as, “If you do respond every time, you’re creating a rod for your own back,” and, “You are spoiling your baby and, as a result, she will learn to cry to get room service”.

Parents feel the need to respond to their crying baby for a good reason – they are biologically designed to do so. And, just as parents are designed to respond, babies are designed to wake out of reasons of safety and survival. By responding to your baby it makes her feel safe and secure and helps towards creating a secure attachment.

It is also helpful for parents to know that you can respond to your crying baby without the fear of her becoming more demanding. Research now shows that by responding, especially in the early years of life, it helps a baby feel more settled and secure and will result in less crying as they develop.

Should my baby sleep in her cot for both daytime and night time sleeps?

It is often thought that unless you teach your baby to go to sleep and for her to have all of her sleeps in her cot, she will be a poor sleeper. Again, this can lead to additional pressure for parents. It can be helpful, and at times necessary, for you to have fl exibility during the day so if your baby is able to sleep in dierent environments, it allows you more fl exibility to be out during daytime sleep periods knowing she will still go to sleep, for example, in the pram or stroller. Sometimes as a result of just sleeping in the cot at home, your baby may associate sleeping only in the cot and have diculty sleeping in any other environment.

The main objective is ensuring your baby achieves the desired sleep (for her temperament) in the day – the ‘how’ she sleeps is of less importance, as long as all safety guidelines are followed.

If my baby self-settles at the beginning of the night and all her day sleeps, why does she still wake during the night?

There can be many reasons a baby, who goes to sleep independently (with no additional ‘props’ such as a dummy) at the beginning of the night and for daytime naps, continues to wake during the night. It may be hunger, being too hot or too cold, over stimulation from during the day, developmental milestones or other phases such as separation anxiety.

The night wakings and the ‘going to sleep at the beginning of the night’ usually need to be dealt with as separate issues. When your baby has mastered the skill of going to sleep independently, this can help her sleep better at night but it may not eliminate night waking completely. If you are dealing with excessive night waking, consider the obvious, such as hunger and the introduction of solids if your baby is six months or giving more food if your baby is older. Some babies can switch their calorie requirement intake to night because they are too busy learning about their environment during the day and don’t eat as much.

Remember, if you’re okay with your baby waking through the night, then go with it – it’s only when it becomes a problem for you that you should consider changing it.

My baby is the only one in my coffee group who still wakes in the night. Why is that?

The answer is simple; your baby is not the only baby who wakes in the night. Back in the stone ages a baby needed to wake during the night to survive. A baby’s primary needs have not changed since then, but our society and expectations have.

Parents often feel pressured to get their baby sleeping through the night and feel inadequate if they have not managed to by a certain age.

Recent research shows the majority of parents believe their baby should be sleeping through the night by four or fi ve months of age.

However, the reality is that only 20% of babies actually sleep through consistently before four months of age, and that 61% of babies continue to ask for ‘room service’ well after seven months.

It is important to note that from a medical perspective, sleeping through the night is fi ve straight hours of sleep and not the 7pm to 7am stint as sometimes interpreted. When you clamber out of bed during the night, take a peek out of the window and if anyone in your street also has a baby under the age of 12 months, you will most probably see their lights on. So, if you feel stressed and are wondering where you have failed, remember you and your baby are doing everything as you are ‘designed’ to do.

Do ‘props’, such as dummies, affect night time wakings?

The short answer to this is ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Props often have a negative association with sleep when, in fact, they can be helpful in assisting with transition periods and to help an infant feel soothed. Some babies are happy to go to sleep sucking on a dummy and will sleep solidly throughout the night, whereas other infants will wake for a lost dummy regularly through the night.

It can be helpful to ask yourself, ‘Do I have a realistic expectation for my baby’s night time sleep and has the dummy now become a problem?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, then (and only then), will you need to do something about it and consider weaning your baby of it.

When my baby gets sick or we come back from holiday, she reverts to night waking. How can I help her to sleep through again?

It is important to give your baby a chance to settle back into her home environment following the stimulation of the holiday or from being sick. If you have had to respond more than usual when there has been a change in routine, you can slowly wean your response process until she reverts back to her typical routine.

Just like adults, babies go through stages where they will have their sleep disrupted. This does not mean you are back at square one, i.e. with a problem sleeper. Look at slowly weaning whatever method you were using during the change of routine and she will adopt the skills she had previously learnt prior to the disruption and get back to her normal routine relatively quickly.

Should I follow a specific routine to help my baby sleep better?

Babies enjoy a familiar routine and fi nd comfort in understanding ‘what happens next’. A routine does not mean you have to follow strict time guidelines, but rather can simply mean having a ‘sequence of events’ where you put in place familiar ‘cues’ that sleep is near, such as an activity, snack, wind-down time and bed.

It can also be helpful to write down three typical days. Observe any patterns and use this as a guideline for her day, as each baby’s needs are diferent. Prior to her typical sleep time, you could insert a sleep time routine, which can be slightly diferent during the day from the night time bed routine to help her understand that sleep time is next.

Are daytime sleeps important to help my baby sleep better at night?

The old saying ‘sleep begets sleep’ is true when it comes to a baby’s sleeping habits. A baby can fi nd it very dificult to wind down and sleep peacefully when over stimulated and over tired. If your night time sleep has fallen by the way, consider what is happening during the day. Be guided by your baby’s own requirements rather than strict expectations. Each baby has diferent needs!