Like the wounded deer, with ribs broken

Like the wounded deer
with ribs broken
I came to you
bearing all the treasures
that you had taken from me.

I sat with my wrists slit
pouring tears of crimson.

You, hiding behind your concepts, rules
A language I had stopped speaking.

So I didn't speak.

I sat, holding my hummingbird.
Feeling, my feet.

I would try to explain the hurt that you caused me
But, it is useless.
Because you aren't listening.

All I can do to connect to your dormant life within,
Is to show,
Not pointing fingers
Through my tears.

Commentary by Mondkind:

This drawing and poems captures the subjective experience of being sexually abused as a child. As I was abused from a very young age, I had no words or concepts for the violence that was happening to me. Often, when children experience abuse this early in life, their inner world becomes rich with symbols and mythological figures which explain what is happening to them in a way they can understand. These figures have the purpose of retaining safety-- at least in the inner world. In a world that is otherwise filled with danger, these stories avoid death to the soul. The stories created give meaning and hope to continue living.

This particular drawing relates to an incident of abuse that happened at my best friend's house when I was about 4 years old. I will call the abuser X. X would take me into his study and force me to watch pornographic films with him. Sometimes, he would rape me while watching these type of films. He would also force me to masturbate him and perform oral sex on him. When I was very young, around 3/4 years old, I remember X touching my genitals with his tongue.

X raped me on the floor of the study, which was a thick carpet material. He explained the burn marks on my stomach and back caused by his rape, by saying that my best friend and I had been playing and that the marks had been caused by sliding down the bannisters. On another occasion, in the study, X would make my best friend and I answer exam questions to test our intelligence. He tied our hands together behind our backs and asked us many questions. Then, when I answered a question incorrectly, he untied my hands and put me on the table and raped me.