Cervantes Magazine Number 24: Humor Notes
Up next, a string of nonsense a user sended us, he was insistent, and used several sophisticated techniques of emotional blackmail and threats to force us to publish his article.
As a result, we decided to comply and avoid greater evils. If a mental health specialist is among the readers, please let us know how to deal with this type of personality.
Our magazine is not responsible for the mental problems of this author or the opinions expressed in this article.
Ah, childhood! That wonderful stage of life when being naked is the most natural thing in the world. Do you remember your childhood? Do you remember how nice it was not to worry?
I miss a time when the most important thing was to watch my favorite show on TV and go out and play with friends, when any sadness was cured with an ice cream. That beautiful freedom period of pubic hair.
I remember with nostalgia those golden afternoons full of kicks to the ball and to whoever owned it; when i could do evil things without consequences. Just some punishment and that was it. What a beautiful time!
And how beautiful the children! Those impertinent little demons who can say what they want and are excused for being children. And babies are the worst. They can bite a woman's breast in public.
They are definitely members of an oppressive elite that can be naked and bite breasts in public if they feel like it. Why can they? Could it be because of the absence of pubic hair?
No, I don’t actually think it's because of the pubic hair. Anyway, I’m digressing. This is supposed to be a humorous article whose central theme is childhood. But What is childhood? What differentiates us from children? Some say that it is innocence, they affirm that children are innocent and repeat that with tenderness when they do evil things. "Poor thing, he’s just a boy he doesn’t know what he's doing."
Lies! They are not innocent! Did you forget when you were a child? Did you forget the things you did? They are not innocent! They are imps fully aware of what they are doing!
Others say it is their capacity for amazement. They think that you remain a child as long as you retain the ability to be surprised by new things. I don’t think that is, if you are as surprised as when you were a child, it is not because you are still being one, it’s because you don’t know much. It is natural for an aboriginal cannibal in New York to close his mouth or blink when he sees the skyscrapers, but that doesn't make him more of a child, or less cannibalistic.Right?
Therefore, it is not the capacity for wonder, or goodness. Children are bad, in fact, I don’t know any that I could describe as good, they are all little egocentric, selfish and envious dictators. "Little Fascists".
Let's be honest, children are like that. I was bad, very bad. I still would be it if I could. As a child i chased cats trying to step on their tails. I still do it if they are distracted.
I’m not lying. Just remember your childhood. If you forgot it, then, I will give you a clear example of their malignant and premeditated behavior.
First of all, don’t be fooled by their adorable disguise, be objective. That said, watch carefully when a small child wants something. Let's say an ice cream.
They never accept a no for an answer. If the victim refuses, then the tactic of manipulation begins.
First, they pout, if that doesn't work, they pretend to cry. Usually that works. But sometimes it is not enough, so the crocodile tears become real and become rivers. And the screams begin. And the "You don’t love me!" phrase soon follows.
And crying for a bit is not the only plan, hence their mastery. When they notice that it doesn’t work, with almost no loss of time or remorse, they move on to Plan B, the scandal.
They know, yes, of course they know that a spoiled child embarrasses their parents. Never doubt it, they know perfectly what they do.
They open their little eyes and record in their memory what heartrending cry causes more impression in their parents, which humiliates them or distresses them the most.
Surely, they follow a method, they do trial and error until they hit the key. Did you see Jurassic Park ? Do you remember those dinosaurs taunting through the cage until they found a way to escape?
Children are like that, they study the prey, they find their weaknesses, decide what the modus operandi will be and attack without mercy. If you are a father or mother, take note, you are raising a small predator.
So, you can’t tell me that children are good. There is no good boy, I think so. I've seen babies winking at me while they bite their mother's chest. They know they can, and they do it with impunity.
But if it is not a capacity for wonder, innocence or kindness, what is childhood about? Could it be defenselessness? Is that what differentiates us from them? Does one stop being a child the moment we stop depending on another?
I don’t buy it either, because then we would all have a second childhood when we reach a certain age and there are some who would never stop being children.
So, after discarding the innocence, the capacity of amazement, kindness and defenselessness, I must conclude that what differentiates us from the children are two things: impunity and pubic hair.
They are small tyrants free to do evil with impunity and immune to crabs. How do I envy them!
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