Redacted Journal - November 1-7, 2019

Nov 1st... I woke at around 2:30 am and there were 5 knocks from upstairs. I stayed awake for hours afterwards. There was a buzz like a phone notification and another bang at around 4:30 am. I slept little and poorly. I woke around 8 am, and stayed in bed till around 9. I set up appointments to look at bikes. I got ready and did dishes. As I did, a new guy said bonjour. Kevin was opening his door as I went in and ate. There was strong wind and the internet stopped working. I looked at the paper bus schedules and tried to catch the bus at 10:47 pm, but it did not show. I used data and Google maps, and took a different bus. I studied French on the way. I went to a library and tried to print off the ASL bookmarks on the cardstock I brought, but they said I could not. I tried to print off a narcissism awareness brochure. A guy stopped me and asked me to interpret something. I said I didn’t know exactly what it meant. It was something like, "Oi nous avons deux pour utuilser." Printing the brochure required I use the copiers on the side. It wanted money directly in the machine so I took the $5 out that I had just put in the account and asked for someone to assist me. He told me I had to use the other machine to print color. So we took the dollar out of the machine I had just put it in. It gave me 2 dimes, and 16 nickels. Then the man said I had to pay $1.50 per side of color prints. I said I was going to do some research. Color pages should be between 30 and 75 cents. I looked up print shops and printed one off in black and white. I went to class. Right after I walked in and not shown during class, the professor played a commercial showing people getting run over by cars with the message to look both ways. [Jack gave me a look of recognition here and when I left, like he knew the severity of this while the others had not yet caught on. -4/2/21] Emily wasn’t there. Mariah sat next to me. There was no conversation again today. ... I paid rent. Easton gave me a receipt and Emilia showed up… There was angry shouting in the hall around 8 pm... I listened to an interesting video called "Maintaining classroom discipline (1947)"...

Nov 2nd, I slept pretty well. There was talking in the hall until late. I woke a few times. I got up before 8 and got ready. I went to Mountwood Church after checking the bike correspondence… It was hot, so I changed out of my winter clothes. At first Noah wanted me to change light bulbs. He said if he said something wrong, it was because he was hard of hearing, not because he was crazy. Instead of light bulbs, he had me fix chairs in the sanctuary. Another woman was scrubbing the floor. She said she wasn’t sure if it was working, and worried she was wasting her efforts. I thought perhaps the spots looked different because the carpet fibers had been disturbed. A man came in, worried that she was wasting her efforts, but said as long as she thought it was working. [He seemed as though he felt attacked, like he was listening in and expected me to cruely trick this woman into unnecessary physical labor.] Another woman came in, calling the first Allison, but saying she may get the name wrong and that there must be something wrong with her (not to get it right). As I worked on chairs, Noah said I was going above and beyond scraping gum off... We had pizza. ... The second woman talked about complications with wills. [Noah joked about poor eyesight. -2/16/20] I was asked a few questions: do I live nearby, how long have I lived here, what made me choose Mountwood, am I in school. When I went back to work, Allison asked me in the sanctuary if I could walk to church and if I lived in Mountwood. I said I don’t publish exactly where I live. We later talked about her cleaning the carpet. After I finished Noah asked me to clean the windowsills. After this there wasn’t much work to do. Justin and Noah asked me if I wanted to change a light bulb. They kept smiling and laughing at that. I pointed out it was legal to do in Quebec. I helped and talked to Justin a little... He said people do bad things, and gave the example of car dealerships. Allison said she must be crazy sorting hangers by color. I said people will see it and think this place is treated with respect. There was no more work so I left… I saw Easton in the salle. Playing cards were Kevin, Ellie and Kevin’s friend. Lucas was at another table and watched my face as I went by...

Nov 3rd, A very loud door slam and other noises around 12:30 am. I woke around 5… and around 7, and rested till 8. I read the news, got ready, and made food. Will came in. Then Kevin, who tried to talk to me. He was drying a shirt on the second toaster and he asked if I smoked, and offered me a cigarette… Noah sat in front of me. Another guy I saw yesterday sat on the other side of I suppose his wife. There were leaders of a missionary summer camp that presented. The sermon was about how God owns all of your money. The pastor’s tone was more stern. He told everyone not to think about it too long, and to put their wallet or purse on the altar to give it... [to God]. He did not specifically ask for people to give money to the church. [Just recently I was fussing about in my closet with my broken umbrella. When I went to the church, I was in the bathroom alone for a minute, and then I went all over the church. MicroSD cards are very difficult to keep track of, and seem to be considered frightening to people who do surveillance. The pastor seemed angry and demanded we put our wallets on the altar. I carry my wallet with me everywhere, so it is a good place to keep a microSD card. I had pulled one from my umbrella the night before, and perhaps they wondered if I then placed it somewhere in the church. The pastor seemed to be trying to see if it was in the other spot it might be—my wallet, by gauging my reaction to setting it down.] Afterward Noah sat next to me and asked how I was. I asked about a woman who had a homeless ministry, and he introduced us... I listened to the next Pawson. It started to rain. I... ran into a skating rink where teams of children were practicing. I came home, read Bible, wrote James 3:15-18 on a page, colored it, and hung it up. I looked up ways to help the homeless and wrote a short survey for the homeless. I heard people in the hall and was waiting for them to leave. When I opened my door Kevin came out of his room. I closed my door, mouthing sorry, and he said sorry and left. I watched Reign of Fire, then got ready for bed, read my Bible, and watched part of Stranger than Fiction. When Ms Pascal gave Harold the cookie, my phone beeped and there was loud urgent talking in the hallway... I stopped the movie. [One thing I've noticed about malignant narcissists is if you are nice to them, they take it as a plea for mercy, and an admission of weakness. In my experience they respond by increasing their bullying, because they think you cannot defend yourself. The movie depicted an anarchist woman entering into a romantic relationship with an IRS agent. Another thing I have found with narcissists is they are usually speaking through analogies to their target. They also assume you are doing the same with them. So in general movies I watch, music, things I write, pictures I like, etc, are taken to be me representing my immediate relationship to them, as in this case.]

Nov 4th, I woke a few times and finally around 6:30 am. I had gone to bed early. I read my Bible. At 7 am a notification chimed. I turned that setting off. A leaf fell to the floor from the ceiling fan again. It looks like several have been knocked off during the night. I searched for bikes for an hour and sent 2 inquiries. One for a junk bike would not send. The button would not work…. One guy responded, and I asked about meeting tomorrow at around noon. I took a bus reading bike laws on the way… We did an exercise where he had to write a letter explaining an absence, and to practice with our colleague multiple reasons why we were late, absent, and dropped the class. An interesting choice for an exercise. The last time I was at a library I didn’t want to say some guy’s phrase out loud and attempt an approximate translation. The professor was having me say things that if recorded and taken out of context could be used against me. I was paired with Ava. She helped me with grammar and gave me a textbook recommendation. We practiced back and forth. Ava asked if I was a permanent resident, tourist, and student. Mariah pulled Ava aside to give Emily an example. The professor tarried, so we read our letters, and then I asked Ava more about Iran. She told me about a modern, intelligent, well educated people who were oppressed by a rigid and religious government. She said she thought Americans could go to Iran, but Iranians could not go to the US unless they were permanent residents because of the travel ban. I said… that the Iranian government would think an American was a spy and arrest them. She talked about how the government keeps women out of the workforce and how they fear women. She said the government is becoming more secular. She told me the great harm the sanctions were doing to the Iranian people, how jobs were disappearing. I asked how the Iranian people were portrayed incorrectly in the media. She said they are made to look aggressive and backwards. Tehran has many people from Europe. I said I read a Stratfor article that the government of Iran does not want war... She noted the sanctions were because of the government's nuclear ambitions. She stopped talking to me abruptly, and I turned to Emily. It was already 15 minutes till the end of class. Most of the class had stopped. The professor was talking to some to the right of me. The professor got the class’s attention and was saying his goodbyes when Ava showed me a political guy who talks about the effects of the sanctions. [I had looked upset at hearing the harm sanctions do to the people of Iran. Also, she had stopped speaking with me rather abruptly and turned away, and I wondered if she wasn't listening to an earpiece. -4/2/21]...

Nov 5th, I woke around 7:30 am, I got ready, looked at the bikes for sale, and read about bike laws. I called a person about viewing a bike. They were really far and didn’t want to wait. I tried calling for a different bike ad and the same person answered. I was able to inquire about the junk bike... I got there around 3 pm, but no one was there. I read some decisions by the IRB. Henry arrived around 3:30. I asked why there was a board with pictures of naked people. He said it was for the calendar and people were picking their favorites... I brought out the white bike. I tried to speak more French, and worked on the chain and speeds. Adrian came. The brakes had 2 left handles so I had to change those out… Adrian helped me with the brakes. Henry helped me with the seat. I finally managed to get the seat to work, but a nut got rounded on the front brake. I replaced it, and that stripped the screw which was a very specific part we couldn’t find the replacement for. I told them I named the bike Rascal. Henry laughed at the list of French translations. A guy returned to work on a flat, and a new guy came. He was bilingual and knew some things about bikes. He helped me with brute force removal of a cassette on wheels I was sorting... The new guy asked me how I learned mechanics, and said I was quick. I said bye, and that I’d probably be back next Tuesday...

Nov 6th, I woke at around 2 am, and 5:30 am. There was some noise. I got up at around 7:30 am, got ready and responded to and set up a time to look at the next bike, and went to the event at the thrift shop… A woman complained the prices on some cups were too high. She told me she got permission from the head of bénévoles to change the price. I found Linda and told her. There were some people who would come and complain Linda had gone to a different spot. [Since my rather dramatic conflict with Evelyn who ordered me to serve the aged lettuce, this may have been other volunteer women testing me to see if I would gossip about bad behavior from my superior. Perhaps they were spoken to about me as a preemptive defense that I might speak badly about them. I was not interested in doing so.] Evelyn came and still had a sore throat from being sick. She said I had to get paid for my work, by which I believe she meant eat the free soup for the bénévoles. [I did not have a work permit yet.] ... I had a hard time understanding several people’s French. Also Linda wanted me to speak English because she had a hard time understanding my French it seemed. I shopped and bought a small tree and ornaments. A woman said I had to eat soup with her but I said I had to go. At home I ate and started to decorate the tree. When I went to brush my teeth a different boy was standing in the doorway of 214 looking at me, grinning the whole time... At class, Emily and Mariah sat next to me. I told the professor normally I can say most of what I want, but today a woman told me to stop using French. I thought because of my pronunciation. He said that was weird and thought my pronunciation was good. There was supposed to be a 15 minutes free conversation but the professor opened it up to the group to talk about what they did yesterday. The next thing was a worksheet on taking care of small health problems. At first the room was very hot. I took off my 2 coats and rolled up my sleeves. Then it became very cold and I rolled them down. Emily saw that and left the room. During the break, Mariah asked me if I had taken a French course before, and why I chose to learn French. She asked me if I understood a lot. I said I liked her ring and I hadn’t seen many with stones. We worked through the rest of the exercises together. Several people left early… I learned no bikes on buses. I went to Outremont at the Van Houtte cafe around 6 pm. The guy wasn’t there. I emailed him to let him know I was there, waited and researched. At around 6:36 pm I emailed saying I was leaving at 7 pm if he didn’t show. He came. His name is Danny. He has had the bike around 6 months, and got it from Craigslist. It was left in the rain. He doesn’t know anything about them so when he got a flat he stopped riding it. I looked it over… and bought it for $20. I walked it back as it has 2 flat tires, though I could put it on the metro... When I came inside, before I opened my door, Kevin opened his, apologized, and said something like he didn’t know I was there.

Nov 7th, Last night it appears I got an email response from Danny before sending my email at 6:36, but I did not see it or it did not come through at the time. Last night on Facebook, my sister posted a story about Vick Manana, saying "His opponents are trying to win on a timing technicality, he really needs supporting now more than ever. Those in "kick-Vick" are celebrating his suffering." [This is typically related to my potential publication of Bryan Andrew’s attempts to kiss me at porcfest, which could create a “MeToo” type scandal. This is a few days after I may have hidden a copy of the story of how Andrews kept trying to kiss me, my sister posts the analogy of that, saying that the man who was accused of sexual assault needs support, and his enemies are celebrating a “timing technicality.” The time I messed with the umbrella to the time I may have hidden it was short and without a very good opportunity to destroy the evidence.]

I woke around 3 am and stayed partly awake for a while. There was a bang as I was getting back to sleep. I got up around 7-7:45 am, read Bible... made a to do list for my bike and a note to the professor explaining my absence tomorrow… In class I noted it must be cold as the professor was wearing a jacket. He had something around his neck because his neck was sore. I showed how I pressed my fingers against my spine and away to loosen tense neck muscles... First the professor talked about the weather, then went over oral comprehension for inquiring about apartments to rent. The audio was quieter than it usually is but he couldn’t turn it up. It was the same website and curriculum. [I was not reacting to noises in other rooms or in the hall. This could be a sort of hearing test.] We took a break. Mariah left, and I looked at MTL blog. I showed Emily a picture of Halloween in Montreal with construction signs as decoration. I think she asked me if I took a bus... Class started and we had conversation practice. I role played with Emily and did most of the talking… She left and came back, we ended up talking about the noise construction makes. She tended to want to give personal details about where she lived. She asked me how long the buses took, and if I had noise where I lived...