Metaphors of a Bad Poet [Letter to Dashuri]

Dashuri, it gave a meaning more than once that I do not understand love. I did not understand love means that I understood almost nothing, we have all said that love is everywhere. I feel nothing but self-love and for that person who is no longer with me and who knows I still can not speak.

I know you go through a bad time but I do not understand it. Believe me, I want to understand, I try. But it can not be done when someone loses their petals due to depression, bad luck or lacks. It is strong, but I can not help you, because I feel that hugging you is not enough, nor telling you that "everything gonna be alright", nor writing one of my bad poems. Yes, I am a Bad Poet.

A Bad poet who does not know how to love. That's why I abandon you without wanting to, with all the fear of the world. I do not ask you how are you, because I am an egocentric, proud and narcissistic and because besides no one likes bad answers. I do not like the good answers.

From so much looking for and waiting for love, I have to confess, something dear, now I just care about money. I have failed thousands of times in love, in addition you tell me that you are sad but I enter your instagram and you are with a smile, photos with your boyfriend, waste money at parties, in group chats I feel you happy, is what I do not understand and much less I can help in something that I do not finish to understand, surely you would explain it entangled me more. I say that I just care about money because I am a lover of heartbreak, you know it and you write me to give me that fire that you have stored in your legs for me, I know.

I see your nature with many opportunities, as if you were a flower that shines and still does not lose a petal. You have a lot of life to your petals. I see you overcome, perhaps, if you are more sad and depressed than you seem, and I do not understand it because maybe I am too.

I've never written sad poems, maybe that's why I'm also a bad writer. I have never found the grace to write about something negative. It's what poetry has for the floor, the virus that keeps poets from being taken seriously, never forgives them, God.

Dashuri, I do not want us to talk about how sad we are. I only want, even if it does not seem like it: to understand love, I know I contradict myself more than usual. Very deep down is something that I would like to deepen. My ego does not want to know anything about love but maybe if we conceive Julio Cortazar's Rayuela as our bible of love, things would be easier for me, I know that if you understand it.

You will overcome and win in all adversities, as well like the most perfect flower in my honey garden. I'm on my way to kiss your golden legs, keep that sublimity in the habitat of your breasts, please, like everything you show me in the nudes you send me from that damn distance that separates us.

Dashuri when I think about you I think I finally begin to understand life. I love you without knowing what it means. You can tell me your problems but I'm an anticoaching, I do not think I can help, maybe reciting a poem can relax things a little, although now I'm getting over it despite the inconsistencies I tell you.

Today I am like a character of Jack Kerouac, I remember Sal Paradise and I know myself, I go On the road, I think of Sal Paradise and I think of me, I think of Kerouac and I imagine you with me On the road without losing a petal.

I will be yours forever, and you know it.

FL

[Note: Dashuri means "love" in Albanian.]