Sending lots of hugs to you, hun.
I love cats, and I am a cat guardian myself. i don't quite understand what you're going through with the physical symptoms of your beloved kitty, I don't understand how scary it must feel to see him so ill. However, I would be just as worried if something happened like that to my baby. I would be heartbroken.
Just know that people are here, and that you will get through this.
Sending lots of love to you and your kitty!