My First Child, My Daughter, I Miss You So Much… Ulog #7

victoriabsb (62)in #cats • 6 years ago

I Am a Terrible Mother

So, a lot of people when they learn I’m pregnant, ask me, is this child your first? And well even tho he would be my first human child, the answer to that question is actually no, he is not.

You’ll see, almost 9 years ago I rescue this little thing that looked like a rat, she was just 3 days old, her mom had pass away and she was all alone since one of her siblings was also death and the other got adopted, with just 3 days I couldn’t leave her out on the streets to fend for herself, I took her in, even with my mom disapproval, and took care of her like the small baby she was, feeding her every 2 hours her special milk, and cleaning her so she could go to the bathroom, and keeping her for getting herself into trouble by jumping up and down every single thing she saw.

I name her Kitty, since I wasn’t supposed to keep her forever, I was only going to take care of her until I could find a family to adopt her, but as time passed I couldn’t let her go, she was my little baby, she was my daughter I love her so much.

But here is the thing I move form my moms house, and she didn’t want me to leave my daughter behind neither did I want to leave her, so I took her with me to my boyfriend’s place, here I been living for the past year and a half, my Boyfriend has 3 cats and 2 dogs, so he likes animals too, but, Kitty wasn’t getting along with her 3 new brothers, she was acting out, going from being a single child to having 3 new brothers can be quite a challenge I suppose, and since this is not technically my own house, and I could see that she was not welcome anymore in this house so, I had to think on what to do, I thought I could bring her back to my mom’s but I have to make a long road trip with her again and I didn’t want her to go throw that again, so I thought of my dad, he loves animals and there she could be well taken care and feed, also he is so much more closer to where I currently live so, I could go visit her more regularly, I didn’t wanted this to be a permanent thing, I want my daughter with me, she is truly like a daughter to me, I love her so much and I know that even if she is well and taken care where she is right now, she misses me and probably wonders why I am away from her, this breaks my heart every single time I think about her.

Now, I’m expecting my first human child, and talk to him about his big sister, how much I love her and how I want him to love her too, and how I can’t wait for them to meet each other. I will work this out for us to be together someday again, I don’t know how yet, but I miss her terrible and I know she misses me cause every time I go visit her she won’t leave my side.

I feel like I am such a horrible mother to her, like I fail her somehow for not being able to provide her with a place next to me, but I’m doing the best I can, and I’m sure we will be together soon enough.