You’ve got mail ✉️ ...from soju

in cat •  last year  (edited)

Dear Linny,

This is soju, the cat. Not supersoju, the crazy woman. I’m the real soju, the interesting one, and not my mum. She’s totally uncool. All she does is look at weird stuff under the microscope. I agree with you, it’s so gross that she pulls wings off flies, stares at hairy spider legs, and is fixated with necrosis of unidentified insects. I think she’s running out of ideas too. I couldn’t believe that she’s been eyeing my litter box. I have to chase her off every time she approaches.

How embarrassing!

I tell dad that I think mum is weird, he must agree, because he gives me a snack every time. Dad is cool.

Anyway, mum doesn’t listen to me either! I asked her for a little brother and what did she get me?

A robot vacuum! 🙀

Crazy right? Who does that?

At first, I thought maybe she thought that the programmable disc really was a cat replacement, that she’d been watching Stepford Wives and getting ideas. You know, the sequel where they were replacing the children with drones. I don’t want to be taken away and ‘improved’ so I behave! But she gets this odd glint in her eyes and whistles when she programs the thing. She enjoys torturing me with this robot vacuum, having it chase me around and stressing me out.

Mum is sadistic, which is no surprise.

And when I needed a haircut, she gave me a dodgey home job with the clippers! I couldn’t go out in public for weeks! As if it couldn’t get any worse, she then posted my picture on social media! 🙀😾 That’s the real reason I’m addicted to weed, I needed to self-medicate to deal with living with her. She blames me for everything and she’s so unreasonable! This is what I have to listen to everyday!

Why is the laundry basket filled with laundry, Soju?!
Why did you not make the bed, Soju?!
When will you start paying rent to me, Soju?!
Why is the Steem blockchain frozen?! It was you wasn’t it, Soju?!

Unbelievable and I’m sick of it! 😾

She makes me check the crypto exchanges all day but then ignores my advice on when to buy and sell. We could have been gazillionaires by now had she paid attention to what I was pointing at. She ignores my financial advice as if it was no better than that coming from a waving fortune cat, and writes blogs about how funny I am instead! 😿😾

Ever since I adopted her, she thinks I’m just a cat, you and I both know that’s far from the truth. Anyway, I just needed to vent. I can hear mum coming, so I better log off my secret account.

Meooow!!
The Real Soju
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  ·  last year (edited)

🤔 first things first, looks like Soju figured out the password to the computer. Cats are pretty sneaky, time to change the password.

🤣🤣🤣 Oh Soju, looks like you are all grown up. I expect $100 a week of rent from you from now on because you are just so clever.

So dad is the cool one huh? I expected that since you are such a 'daddy's little girl'. By the way, I busted you jumping on top of the weed I was growing for you. Now they are all flat. I can't believe I took the blame for you when you over ate the weed and threw up. But of course, being 'daddy's little girl' would get you out of sticky situations easy.

Maybe I ought to start throwing the blame to you when I do something wrong. That is what your grandpa did to me when I was younger. It is only fair to pass on the tradition.

By the way, don't you dare dream about bringing those tom boys home. I saw them by your window and each time I stuck my head out in view, they ran off.

Secret account huh? Not so secret anymore my darling Soju. Aunty Linny can't save you now.

  ·  last year (edited)

*************

On 15 Jul 2018, at 2:19 pm, Mail Delivery Subsystem [email protected] wrote:

Address not found
Your message wasn't delivered to [email protected] because the address couldn't be found, or is unable to receive mail.

The response was:
The email account that you tried to reach does not exist. Please try double-checking the recipient's email address for typos or unnecessary spaces. Failing that, google black magic...

*************

LOL

This cat is truly something else! We need to get her a blog so she can tell us more about her exciting daily life XD.

Hehe, I suspect her mum would be horrified to learn what Soju really thinks. That cat is one devious kitty with a mysterious past too, her parents have yet to figure that out...

hahaha I feel like I might need to start collecting evidence on Soju. Just in case I need to prove my innocence.

Soju's mysterious past! That sounds like a story worth telling ^^.

Oh no, we can't have that now can we. I would never get her off the computer.

It's time to buy a second computer, sojuchan ^_^.
I want to read more of the cat's adventures. And it would be great if her blog will features lots of selfies too :D.

Love this 😉 I also have a rag doll who gets home hair cuts 😍

See Soju, home hair cuts is a normal thing.
hehehe

Does your ragdoll mind getting home hair cuts @sallybeth23?
The hardest part I find is the belly and where the folds are near the legs. I just avoid those areas or cut bit by bit with scissors. I am afraid I might cut her accidentally with clippers there.

He minds and sometimes he doesn’t. When it gets too matted like dreadlocks and sharp bits of plants get stuck in there bothering his skin he can be glad to get rid of It! It has to be done a little at a time usually when he’s stretched out snoozing on my lap so he spends a lot of time looking half done, it’s funny how he ends up with a big head and tail and tiny body too but the summer is super hot and I think it must be a big relief for him.

hahaha, I agree with you there, they do look funny sometimes, especially when they don't let you finish the job.