I agree this is a problem mostly of definition. What we end up loving in other people is the values we aspire. In a way we reflect on an empty shell and assign value. This is how they become so dear to us. In a way it is an elaborate act of masturbation. Rarely anybody enjoys the act but we all enjoy its outcome. At the end it is the raw instinctual consumption of someone else much like food. We devour their subjectiveness and then extrude what is not needed.