THIS IS HOW CANCER CHANGED THE WAY I SEE LIFE

I haven't had any personal encounter with a cancer patient. I thought cancer is a sickness for the "rich" people only. That was how I see cancer since I was a kid. It is kinda annoying how the television had influenced my young mind with that kind of thinking.

My mom, who passed away last March 29, 2018 at the age of 45, died of lung cancer. She was my mother, my teacher, and my best friend. She was my grade 6 teacher before she got her school principal item. Because of her humor and her good heart, she was loved by everyone. She was loved by the kids in school, her pupils, her workmates, her friends, our neighbors, and most especially she was loved by her family. At the age of 45, she has done so much. She touched many lives and helped a lot of people.

Last October 2017, she started complaining about her cough that she's been having for more than a month. So we decided to visit a pulmonary doctor in the city. Our home is an hour away from the city. So you can just imagine how inconvenient it was to commute given that we don't have a personal vehicle. After a series of lab tests, the doctor's finding was minimal PTB. Her sputum test was negative but the X-ray showed minimal PTB. So she started taking medicines for two months. The medicines were supposed to make her feel better but they didn't. She started losing weight. Whenever her co-principals or other people would notice her weight reduction, she'd answer, "This is because of my daily exercise and diet" (which is partly true but I think the main cause of this is her anti-TB meds). We kept this as a family secret. We never told anyone she was diagnosed with TB.

On my 21st birthday in January 2018, she told me she was not feeling well. So we decided to take her to the hospital. But she was hesitant to be admitted because she thought the "bad feeling" is just temporary and it will just "go away" if she gets enough sleep. We just visited her doctor and she told her about her varicose veins getting "redder". She asked if that was because of the meds she's taking. And the doctor replied it was a completely different case.

After 3 days, my dad called me from home that he's taking mom to the hospital because the "bad feeling" became worse. I cut classes and immediately went home to take our personal things that we will need in the hospital. When I arrived in the Emergency Room, I saw her smile. I talked to her, trying to lighten up the situation. I was mad at the hospital authorities for making us wait for the X-ray results for 3 days. (Hello, time is running and the hospital bills are also adding up!) Her X-ray results showed that there's water in her lungs. I asked a friend who's dad also experienced the same thing and her mother recommended us with a good doctor from other province.

So we were discharged from the hospital and we traveled by sea. This new hospital is "better" with "more competent" doctors compared to the previous one. She underwent a surgery in her room to remove the water in her lungs. The fluid was red. The total volume of fluid removed was almost 2 liters. She also took meds for her deep vein thrombosis. We waited for a week for the biopsy results. My mom said, "Nak, ug cancer man gani ni atong dawaton." ("Baby if this is cancer, let's just accept it.")

AND THE DIAGNOSIS WAS ADENOCARCINOMA LUNG CANCER (STAGE 4)... A lot of questions are running in my mind. Why cancer? Why her lungs? Why my mom? She has never smoked in her entire life. She never drank alcoholic drinks. She exercises daily. She is active.

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MY WORLD STOPPED SPINNING.
IS THIS REAL?
TELL ME THIS IS JUST A DREAM!

I kept my hopes us. I know she'll get well. I know she will survive. I know she will be one of the blessed cancer-free survivors. I know God will give us a miracle.

I HOPED.
I PRAYED.

But God didn't hear me. I WAS ANGRY. NO, I WAS MAD.

The oncologist gave us options if we want the targeted chemotherapy (in tablet form) or the usual chemotherapy combined with radiation therapy. My mom didn't go for both. She wants to be healed the natural way. So we sought for alternatives. The alternatives "extended" her life for 2 months...

My sister realized something on how my mom got lung cancer. She said to me that the empty cans of PAINT used to beautify her school were put in her office. That was the closest possible reason I could ever think of given my mom is so conscious about her health.

When I received the text message from my dad that my mom passed away, I could almost laugh at it because it was just a joke, was it? IT WAS JUST A JOKE AND IT AIN'T REAL.

So I traveled to the hospital where my family was to really see it for myself if it was true. I WAS HOPING TO SEE MY MOM WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE BUT WHAT I SAW WAS A LIFELESS BODY LAID IN THE BED.

I HOPED.
I PRAYED.

But God didn't hear me. AGAIN. And that's okay because He always knew what's best.
He knew that my mom needed to rest and be with Him forever.

The Lord will not answer all your prayers but it's okay.
The Lord has already planned everything for you.

And to my Mama, please continue watching over us. You will be remembered forever. I love you.