Back to Work with a New Focus - 5

To edit a story, it's best if you know it inside and out - that's why I prefer to work WITH the writer, rather than for the writer. The storyteller is in the best position to know whether an alteration will work or not. Keep that in mind as you edit your own work. Throwing money at an editor may be an easy fix, but it won't do your story, or your readers the justice they deserve.

These are the covers of my three Wolf Series novels

If you're following the story or how I go through the process of editing, here are the first few posts.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The photos are all my own and some may be a little off-topic and random, so bear that in mind (and read the descriptions).

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Cont...

The stalker forced himself to be patient. He waited until she entered the alley, then he moved, fast and silent, around the perimeter wall. To get ahead of her, he scaled yet higher structures with ease, running across the tops of weathered brick walls, moving with the agility of a cat. He had the advantages of surprise and shock and he intended to use them both to maximum effect. He found the perfect vantage point and prepared himself. His hands clenched and unclenched of their own volition and he concentrated to get his breathing under control again. In his chosen position, just ahead of his victim, he waited with the patience and composure of an apex predator, listening for her footfalls.

At SteemFest Portugal, we hired a car and went wandering

Earlier, at the club, talk and idle chatter turned to rumour and speculation as colleagues discussed the violent and bloody attacks reported in the neighbourhood - one a few weeks earlier and another just the previous night. She managed to keep a poker-face as her colleagues delighted in regaling each other with gory details.

When she mentioned that she parked in the same secluded car park, humour turned to concern. Dismissals of offers to drive or accompany her to the car were accepted with reluctance. She believed to accept the offers of escort would make her appear weak and vulnerable. She was probably right.

SteemFest Portugal, a little church with walls made of the bones of previous congregations

Reports in the local paper after the first incident described a brutal attack on a local woman. One report likened the victim’s injuries to someone that had been mauled in a frenzied attack. A hospital porter went to the paper and told of the victim’s hysterical and incoherent deathbed ramblings. Waking nightmares, reliving the attack, fighting off nurses and attendants trying to sedate her. The porter relayed snatches of overheard conversations between consultants. The victim’s injuries were consistent with an attacker slashing and biting with tooth and claw rather than knives.

Her pleading screams to the attacker, begging him to stop continued until she succumbed to her injuries and her heart gave out.

The previous night’s attack was, as yet, unconfirmed by official sources, but that didn’t stop gory details circulating along the rumour mills. Descriptions from someone who knew someone that had a friend in the hospital or police ran riot through the ‘watercooler newsrooms’ and soon the speculation of gossip surpassed the facts, no matter how horrific.

Trying to keep those details from her mind proved impossible, and her pace, no longer brisk, slowed to a dawdle along the pathway. Hesitating as she approached the sharp bend in the path, stopping to look behind time and again, she cursed her fears under her breath.

He heard a sigh of relief when at last she rounded that bend and could see the rear bumper and one light of her car and she knew it was within reach. She perked up, her pace livened a little, and she straightened her back, regaining the self-assured stance of before.

SteemFest Portugal, a few of us went on a roadtrip! Great fun!

A few metres to go to safety.

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This is the original. I do like to think I'm improving in my writing...

Cont...

The stalker forced himself to be patient as he waited until she had entered the alley, then he moved - fast and silent - around the perimeter wall. He scaled yet higher walls with ease, running across the tops of them, moving with the agility of a cat to get ahead of her. He had the advantages of surprise and shock and he intended to use them both to maximum effect. His hands flexed as he waited in his chosen position just ahead of his victim, listening for her footfalls.

She tried not to think of the violent and bloody attacks that had happened in the neighbourhood - one a few weeks earlier and another just the previous night. She managed to keep a poker-face as her colleagues delighted in telling her gory details - exaggerated no doubt, she hoped.

When she told them that she was parked in the same secluded car park as the two victims had been, their humour had turned to concern. Her dismissals of offers to drive her to her car or to accompany her were accepted with reluctance. She thought that acceptance of escort would be seen as weakness. She was probably right.

Reports in the local paper after the first incident had described a woman being attacked and brutalised. One had described the attacked woman as being mauled. A hospital porter had gone to the paper and told of the victim’s hysterical and not-quite-coherent, deathbed ramblings about her attacker slashing and biting with tooth and claw. Last night’s attack was, as yet, unconfirmed by official sources but that didn’t stop gory details circulating along the rumour mills.

Her pace was no longer as brisk as it had been. She was by now, dawdling along the pathway, hesitating more and more as she approached the sharp bend in the path, stopping to look behind time and again.

He heard the sigh of relief when at last she rounded that bend and could see the rear bumper and one light and she knew her car was within reach. Her pace picked up a little and she straightened up, regaining her self-assured stance of before.