It's good to see the start of Hazel's story. Even though I thought I'd gone back to your first posts, when I started reading it, I could tell I was part way through. So for a long time, I felt a bit on the back foot with some of what was going on.

Mostly the new revision is reading really well, but there was one sentence that jarred.

What was left of the late-night punters continued straight on towards the hill down to the marketplace. She swung left at the corner where only a small minority walked.

The first sentence just doesn't seem right somehow. I much preferred the original.

As the majority of the crowds continued straight on towards the hill down to the market, she swung left at the corner where only a small minority were walking.