The art of love: when 1 plus 1 are not 2

What is love? Perhaps this is one of the questions that at some point we have all done but for which we have no accurate answers. Precisely this is the theme that crosses transversely the world famous work of Erich Fromm: "The art of love". How much is true in your pages? A lot and a little at a time, it depends on how you want to understand. For scientific psychologists, allow me the neologism, it can be a highly criticizable work but the truth is that if we read it with an open posture, much of interesting will be found among its pages.

Perhaps one of Fromm's most interesting ideas lies in his conception of mature love. In contrast to symbiosis, mature love implies a union on the condition of preserving one's identity, individuality. Love contains the paradox of two beings that become one but continue to be two. Mature love is translated into the correspondence of common spaces maintaining their own spaces, it is the delivery without conditions and without the loss of oneself.

However, love is not a simple feeling. It is also an active concern for the life and growth of the other person. The essence of love proposed by Fromm is also to "work" for something and make it grow. Thus, it unveils another of its facets: responsibility. Understanding as the concern for the other and the assumption of their actions; to be attentive to their physical and psychic needs.

But responsibility can quickly degenerate into domination and possessiveness if we do not exercise respect. Respect means worrying because the other person develops as it is; not to try to exploit it but to favor its freedom in the same measure in which we propitiate ours. Loving is not merely a powerful feeling, it is a decision and also a promise. Love is based on full trust in the other person and total surrender.

There are different types of love: Infantile love that is guided by the principle: "I love because they love me". On the contrary, mature love is governed by the principle: "They love me because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you", mature love expresses: "I need you because I love you".

Erotic love, is the desire for complete union and is the one that is more misleading because it can be confused with the simple and fleeting infatuation or sexual desire. These last ones can be stimulated by the anguish, the solitude, the motivation of the conquest ...

Since most people associate sexual desire with the idea of ​​love, the mistake of believing that one loves when one wishes physically is easily incurred. Love can inspire the desire for sexual union; in such a case, the physical relationship must be full of tenderness. On the contrary, sexual attraction creates, for a moment, the illusion of union but is also fleeting. The study of the most frequent sexual problems: frigidity in women and erectile disorders in men, shows that most of the time the cause does not lie in a lack of knowledge of the appropriate sexual technique but in the inhibitions that prevent them from relating.

Love begins when the person feels that the needs of the other are as important as theirs. When we "give", for the immense pleasure that comes from the action of "giving" the best of us and not by waiting for something in return.

Another aspect that is highlighted in this work is the idea that love is not free of conflicts. But when conflicts are manifested in two people who love each other, they are not destructive but help to clarify their points of view and facilitate deeper knowledge.

Love is an active power that crosses all cultural barriers that may exist between people. Love enables us to overcome our isolation and loneliness. Love is a way for growth.