Giving Negative Feedback or Comments WITHOUT Being a Dick About It!
How to Give Negative Feedback without being a dick
Getting negative criticism is a lot like getting punched in the balls, it’s painful, it makes you curl up into a ball and cry like a small child, and sometimes, well sometimes it’s just necessary. But just because you have to whack someone in the nuts doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it.
Everyone in their career has had to give negative feedback to their colleagues or subordinates, and while some people take sadistic pleasure in punishing the egos of their workmates, other people use a more balanced carrot and stick approach. This sort of latter constructive approach helps people grow in their careers and doesn’t have them moaning on the floor sobbing about how you hurt their feelings.
Understanding when to critique, how to individualize comments, be able to take some pointers and not mixing feedback with money can all help make you give better appraisals without being a dick.
The Carpe Diem approach
A positive step to take is seizing the moment. It’s the Carpe Diem attitude about giving better feedback. Rather than having coworkers, colleagues, and subordinates running around the office like chickens with their heads cut off not knowing what they are doing and when or if they might suddenly run out of steam- give them immediate feedback after a meeting, a job, or performance.
This feedback shouldn’t be doomed from the get go. Not every worker needs to be slaughtered, you’re not an executioner, well unless your job is to execute people and you want to give your fellow executioner some tips and tricks of the trade.
Anyways treating each moment of negative feedback like it’s a walk through the valley of the shadow of death will just make the rest of the team cower, no matter how much faith they might have in your ability to lead. This can be especially true if you grind your axe on them by making things personal.
Rather than focusing on pointing fingers try to concentrate on the outcome. A great example could be when Bill, who isn’t very funny to begin with, makes a terrible and risqué joke over the water cooler. Rather than focus on how Bill is the worst comedian ever highlight the outcome, explain how Bill’s joke made people feel uncomfortable.
A Culinary Approach to Feedback
Not everyone is the same, so not everyone is going to take criticism in the same way. Some people you can point blank and they can just take the shots. Other people need to have their feedback individuated towards them. That’s not to say you should compose a shit sandwich for everyone buttressing your critiques with pleasant niceties.
For example, “Oh Bill I really like your tie today, pastel is really in this season, but your presentation was absolute garbage. Oh and by the way nice matching skills. Who knew that dark blue slacks would go so well with a lovely pastel shirt!?”
When you are cooking up criticism, you want to engage in some mise en place just like when you are making some fine food at home. Prepare your comments and make sure to stay on point. You don’t want to be dishing out half-baked critiques to Bill, he’ll just get confused.
People receiving the feedback should also be made comfortable. Take some time out and consider how the person might take the criticism. Is there perhaps a better time or place for your critique? While you should be upfront, and not beating around the bush, you also don’t want to be inconsiderate.
That doesn’t mean you want to sugar coat everything. But try to understand that not everyone takes criticism the same way and that lovely shit sandwich that you made for Bill, well he might appropriately think it tastes like absolute shit.
If You Can’t Take it, Don’t Dive It.
No one likes a barstool punter giving out life advice about health, exercise, and the way to live an exciting life if they don’t do nothing but sit on their duffs, so make sure that your feedback approach allows for a two-way street.
After all, while you might be giving sad sack Bill a kick in between the legs routinely, Bill might actually have some valuable insights for you as well. Making things a one-way street will make Bill feel like he’s getting run over all the time. But if communication is two ways Bill will feel better that you too can take some dents and dings.
A good way of ensuring a dialogue is to have weekly one on ones. This can supplement the Carpe Diem approach and also provide a bit of structure for those workers that might be a bit gun shy about running you down with an 18 wheeler of critique barreling down at you from nowhere.
Money and Critique Don’t Mix
Some things in life come entirely in pairs, usually the simpler things in life, like pieces of cake, pieces of pie, and hopefully your feet. Some things, however, don’t do that well paired up such as discussions of pay raises and criticism.
If you are critiquing a person’s work performance and then immediately start talking about their wages they might have a nervous breakdown as there is an implicit threat that if they don’t improve, well, looks like the wedding of self with job is officially OVER.
These sort of wedded talks make things intensely personal and hazardous to the emotional health of the worker so discussions about raises and money should be kept separate from any discussion of performance as it seriously undermines the employee’s confidence. And a worker with low self-esteem is a bad worker.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Like any ability, giving constructive negative feedback is a skill and something that takes time, and energy. Not everyone comes out of the womb with a perfect ability to critique, “Oh mom, that was a stellar performance, but really you should have been breathing a bit more regularly in that final push.”
Instead, it takes practice. So it’s worth engaging in regular conversations with your peers and colleagues about how things are going and what can be done. This way negative feedback flows quickly and conversationally. This has worked especially well with my friend Bill, who also happens to be my dog. “You’re a good boy, you’re a very good boy Bill!”
Disclaimer: I don’t really have a dog named Bill, that would be a silly name. Also, I'm a cat person
Right, that's it for today. Here are a few other guides I've been posting the last couple of weeks:
How to get a winning business idea PART1
How to get a winning business idea PART2
How to get a winning business idea PART3
How to automate your instagram marketing for less than $10 a month
What an interesting post! I was drawn immediately to your article by reading the title
......looking for the good in this....
that gif is amazing, what's the source?!
PS: just kidding, good advice :D
I know, right? I just created this post so I would have a reason to post that gif!
Come for the gif, stay for the content!
Upvoted
Hi! This post has a Flesch-Kincaid grade level of 10.4 and reading ease of 61%. This puts the writing level on par with Michael Crichton and Mitt Romney.